Assumptions and Conclusions..!! ~ From a Nomad's diary

X: Hey, do you know why the new girl N has not come to office?

Y: Well, I am not sure, but I think she has been having some problems back home.

X: Is it? What kind of problems? 

Y: Well, the other day I heard N conversing with her fiancee on phone and she looked really upset! Looked like she was fighting.

X: Is it? but then, I am not kind of surprised. She appears to be arrogant. She does not even mingle with us, likes to be very private!

Y: Eccentric character, I know....The other day when I asked her what she thought of the new team leader, she snapped back saying, 'why would you want to know?'

X: Maybe, her fiancee is not able to handle her volatile temperament.

The real story: 

M: hey sweetie....what happened? 

N: I am upset! The taps in my bathroom are leaking and the plumber has not turned up for the fourth day in a row! Am going mad.....I don't know what to do.

M: Hey, chill....try finding another plumber.....

N: Have tried..some of them are on leave due to the festival season...It is crazy living in a home with weeping walls and seeping bathrooms!

(The above is a fictional reference to assert the post below)

We live in an age of sensational news and sensitive discussions, spicy gossips and misinterpreted facts, more chaos and less coherence, less reasoning and more play of emotions and finally, incorrect assumptions and flawed conclusions! We voice our opinions recklessly as if it were an act of ‘coolness’ (the word cool has a different connotation these days). And when we do, we care little about the fact that even opinions could differ and worse, may not be absolutely right or wrong. And, when they do, cliques are formed, following which we feel inclined to agree with people on a convenience basis or perhaps, with the intention to ‘fit in the crowd’. And somewhere, in the process, we tend to lose that individuality that may not be necessarily compatible with a mob mindset. We get highly judgmental about people around, the situations we face, and our very own problems. We deal with them with little reasoning and more emotion, not realizing for a fact that closed minds have no scope for growth. In discussion forums, we conveniently pick up only what suits us or perhaps, antagonizes us. In short, what catches the ears many a time, fail to catch the eye, due to which, we fail to perceive the elusive truth that tries wriggling free from the shackles of undying assumptions!

Assumptions! They can be far too many. Sometimes, they help and most of the times, they don’t. They somehow convince you even before you are tempted to confirm them. Our physical mind can be incredibly over-powering that it takes no time in drawing a wrong picture of what could possibly be right. One false assumption leads to another, leaving one confused and gaping wide at a heap of preconceived notions and bitter opinions. So, here are a few questions one must ask oneself every time the conflict between the physical mind and the sub conscience arises: 

How gullible are you to rumors and hearsay?

How many times do you count others’ experiences as your own and sing about them to the others 'as your own'?

How many times do you analyze what is being said to you, forgetting for a moment that the person talking to you may be your soul mate, best friend, a senior or even a close relative?

And that is where, reasoning comes into picture. We all fall prey to assumptions sans reasoning and conclusions that are drawn from those assumptions, at some time or the other. And talk about a problem in hand, even before understanding it, we assume it to be the size of a Megalodon shark. We  imagine it first in the head, fret over it, analyze it assuming the problem to be multi-dimensional and then, instead of grabbing the problem by neck, we speculate on how the problem can go from bad to worse thereby, missing on how it all started. Therefore, we get stuck in the ‘chakravyuh’ of our unruly thoughts gone wild. Precisely, the problem appears ten times bigger in the head, than it actually may be. Assumptions that are based on fewer facts and more tittle-tattle never lead to the right solution in real life unless one is solving some differential equations in Math where constant coefficients are assumed. It is here, I would like to quote some impressionable lines that caught my eye on a social networking site,

Assume less. Gather facts. Reason with your mind. Draw your conclusions. Think about it.

To enjoy freedom or to feel free? ~ #Freedomls campaign on Women's Web

Freedom – a word so overhyped, yet so underrated. A word that has a different connotation for every individual.  

A girl in a rural pocket of Rajasthan might value her freedom to enjoy outings to the vegetable market down the street. For a boy in far eastern corner of Bihar, going to school would be a freedom cherished where he has to slog in a coal factory to support his family. A lower middle class sales woman in Dadar, Maharashtra might relish her freedom of taking a break and enjoying the pani puris and bhel puris with her friend sitting by the Queen’s necklace, Bandra over a mid day snack. A rich teen from a well to do family in Delhi might taste his freedom when he sneaks out of home to attend a rave party keeping his parents in the dark about his whereabouts or doings. A married woman tastes her first whiff of freedom as she starts her own catering service from home in the mofussil town of Tanajvur district, supplying tiffins to the workers in the nearby mill where her husband works. Freedom – a word that means the world to every individual in a unique way.

During independence, freedom meant fighting for our country’s identity that was under the grip of a foreign country. And today, considering we have it, the question is “do we still feel free, truly free?” Freedom – What does it mean to you? When will you be truly free? When do you feel truly free?

In my schooling years, freedom meant escape from academic sessions, homework and anything for which I had to give an exam. Be it diving into a pile of magazines (India Today, Femina, Outlook and Readers Digest) or going for a swim without a time limit, be it family outings, socializing and dinners during vacations or be it, festival seasons, studies would invariably take a back seat and enjoying with loved ones was like a freedom I never wanted to end. However, I realized later, it was not freedom in the true sense. It was just a break, nothing more, nothing less. As I entered my teen years, I understood what freedom to go for late night parties or birthday parties held at restaurants/clubs or for that matter, freedom to have a girls night out meant. For a teenager, such small doses of freedom are forbidden fruits. The more there is a curb on the desire to enjoy them, even more is the impulse to get drawn towards it. And then, when I entered college, I lived a hostel life for four long years where I was granted the freedom to live by self. But then I realized, freedom to live on one’s terms in hostel comes with a tagline – conditions apply. There was freedom and then, there were wardens and rules. And after that, when I started working, I actually got the chance to live life on my own terms sans any scrutiny, sans any rules. And, it is here, I would like to believe there is a difference between enjoying freedom and feeling free. We in the current times, enjoy freedom in our own ways by planning our exotic getaways or by indulging in ways that are not scrutinized any more.

However, the questions linger –

When do you feel truly free?

When will you feel truly free?

For me, to feel truly free is a state when we are able to free ourselves from the shackles of opinions, hearsays and judgments passed by everyone around us and despite just entertaining them, we do not accept them without reasoning.

For me, it is to free ourselves from certain inhibitions and mental blocks and step out in the big wide world, befriending people not from the same age group, not from the same clan or not even from the same social class we hail from.

For me, feeling free is freeing ourselves from the fears of unknown, a fear that brings along more unreasonable doubts, irrational thoughts and superfluous theories.

For me, the feeling of freedom in the true sense comes from freeing the mind from negative thoughts, misguided anger, misconstrued views and preconceived notions that often cloud the perception with which we see the world.

For me, to feel such freedom is a spirit that comes to people who brace themselves up with a positive outlook towards life – “Bring it on I say! What is the worst that could happen?”

After all, feeling free all about feeling free to enjoy life with its share of struggles and challenges. What say?

The unheard voice ~ From a nomad's diary

“She is the world’s need, yet the most misunderstood personality

Why does not the world heed, when she cries out in times of adversity?”

A woman of today is no different from the woman of yesterday, despite the education, the upbringing, the boldness or the individuality she carries with her. She still feels as vulnerable in present times as before. The feminist in a woman takes a back seat when trouble comes knocking, and she looks around for help, for support, for a morale boost that seemingly gives her a momentary relief. A woman going through a rough relationship, a woman harassed for dowry, a woman traumatized by roving eyes and groping hands of vagabonds of a demented society when she goes for work, a woman suffering domestic abuse in silence no matter how many degrees her intellect has earned her, a woman raising her children who turn out exactly the way she does not want them to, a woman ailing in an old age home spurned by her children at a time when she precisely needs them, a woman falling into honey traps set by strangers in the virtual world only to be abused and dumped, et al speaks of a change that is yet to happen, or needs to happen.

Despite the education and the work experiences a modern day woman has, she is still tied to a society by shackles of beliefs, traditions and the fears of being ostracized even as her conscience forces her to reckon to pursue what she feels, is right. Every time, we read about a dowry death, or a suicide or a case of abuse, it has been observed that most victims are educated and were probably even working. Then why is it, that a woman allows herself to feel the pain and trauma that she does not deserve at all? Why cannot a woman take a stand when she sees the first streak of injustice slapped on her? Why cannot she be brave enough to turn her back on a society that is still ravaged by meaningless beliefs and falsified egos?

A modern day woman needs to understand her importance. She needs to take a stand for herself when the time calls for it. She needs to speak for herself instead of letting someone play advocate for her. She has to understand that even God helps those who helps themselves. The first incident of injustice, and she must voice her opinion loud enough to be heard. In certain cases, where a woman does not speak of being victimized in the first instance, later gets chained by Stockholm’s syndrome and suffers injustice silently. It is high time, she learns to tackle her issues, with tact besides carving an identity for herself. Learning techniques of self defense is one such means of protecting her dignity, her identity and her self esteem from the miscreants that our society has no dearth of.

And the best, modern day mothers can do is teaching their sons to respect the girls and helping them understand the importance of a woman. Even today, there are mothers who crave for sons. Ironically, it is not just women from rural areas, but also certain percentage of the educated lot who bear a mindset as that. Have those mothers thought for a second, if they wanted only sons and no daughters, what would their sons later do in a world where there are no women? Why have not such women thought of leaving a better generation to this planet? That said, it is time feminism gets rolling in full swing!! It is time to change, for good!! It is high time, the woman of today sets a precedent for her kind and sends a message loud and clear to the society -

P.S: I recently came across an article about a dowry death in Hindustan Times that made me write this post! - http://www.hindustantimes.com/india-news/freedomfromdowry/they-killed-my-daughter-for-just-a-luxury-car/article1-1252540.aspx

Do you love your mother tongue? ~ From a Nomad’s Diary

X: “Hey! Are you a Tamilian? I mean, how do you speak Hindi so fluently?”

Me (taken aback): “Yes, I very much am a Tamilian, although am born and brought up in Gujarat. Guess, that explains J”

X: "Oh! So, you know Tamil also?"

Me (now smiling): "Oh Yes, I very much do."

Such questions set me thinking, “what is the big deal, after all?” Or may be, I do not find it a deal at all considering, I am one blessed soul as my parents and I have always conversed in our mother tongue Tamil, despite the fact that my parents have been up North and West for most part of their lives. As I grew up, I learned Hindi and Gujarati as good as I leaned English (Yes, I am not fluent in Gujarati as I never got much of an opportunity to converse, although I learnt to read and write this language with ease). But, Tamil always is my first and fluent tongue and I love conversing in it, irrespective of where I live.

However, such questions as I mentioned above make me wonder, why? Why is it assumed that most South Indians do not speak Hindi which rings as true as a busted myth that most North Indians do not speak English, or just the other way round? Why a few Hindi speaking people often forget that because Hindi is their mother tongue, they are fluent in it just as we Tamilians are in Tamil. Tamil is our mother tongue, as much as Bangla is for Bengalis, Marathi is for Maharashtrians and Gujarati is for Gujaratis and so on. However, that is not what prompted me to write this post. I almost believed that most of us South Indians may have faced this issue until I was surprised by a close friend who complained to me, over a casual chat that her child does not speak in their mother tongue at all. Of course, I am not sure whether she was actually complaining or feeling otherwise (glad) about the fact that her child refused to or did not understand the language. As, I have observed this in many Tamilians who refuse to speak in Tamil and would endlessly chat in any other language but their mother tongue, just to 'fit in the crowd'. And this uncivilized habit carries forward when people start bantering even as they realize that there are people of yester-generation sitting midst them, who may not necessarily understand what is being spoken. And, it is this thinking that brings me to the crux of my post, "Do you love your mother tongue?". Because, if you don't, you should. And, here is to why mother tongue is important, especially for a growing child.

• When a child is born, the first language it learns is touch of the mother and the aura of her presence that shields the child, giving him the much needed assurance and security he needs, as he takes his first whiff of the surroundings. And, the second language he learns, are the kind words, the mother uses to communicate with him. This language is the mother tongue, the language that brings with it, a bond of love.
• As the child grows, his cognitive abilities increase as he learns myriad expressions in his mother tongue, grasps the words being spoken around and tries to apply the words and expressions appropriately, thereby expressing self with an individuality. Hence, this first language brings in clarity in thoughts and actions of a growing child, as young as a toddler.
• Then, there are many aspects of nature that are better expressed in mother tongue, especially the art of story telling and songs. For instance, when I first tried explaining to my son about moon, he did understand. However, there was a lack of interest. Then, when I sang a small Tamil rhyme showing him the moon in the night, “Nila, Nila, Odi va. Nillamal odi va!” (Nila means Moon in Tamil), he immediately correlated it and said, “Ma! Nila means moon”.  And he further surprised me with, “Ma! Nila in tamil, moon in English, In Hindi what?” . The question led him learning a few words in the third language Hindi, besides learning his first language Tamil and second language, English simultaneously. Grasping power increases manifold when mother tongue is spoken at home.
• Mother tongue is one of the best ways to bond with people. I believe, it plays an indispensable part in building up strong social relations. Also,it helps a person become confident and independent in more ways than one, as he/she does not grow with a feeling of ‘trying to fit in a crowd’. It helps a growing child chisel a dynamic identity of his own. And so, he merges flawlessly in any crowd he wants to. He never has the need to barge/try/beg to 'fit in'.
• Lastly, mother tongue is an integral part of every person's identity. Notwithstanding social and peer pressures, it helps a person think in different ways besides fueling his imagination. Fluency in first language always paves way for creative abilities, a penchant for learning foreign languages, academic excellence and a healthy social life. After all, it is the language that heart and mind understands alike.

In umpteen occasions, I have found people refraining from conversing in their mother tongue, either out of a wasted thought of ‘Log kya kahenge’ or out of a false pride in throwing around a facade, “Oh! I am not one of those uncouth regionals!”. And, I don’t blame people for such blatant display of their misconstrued personalities. Because, besides home and school, there are many other factors that decide a person's physical and mental growth. But the strength of not having to give in to the building pressures of peers and other social elements comes from a strong bond with the language spoken at home. It opens up the mind like a parachute giving us a perspective to look at everything differently.

Such is the bond. It is not a shame to speak in your mother tongue when can and when you should. And, it is important to remember, that flaunting is least necessary when you have the humility to keep your feet on ground even as you may be a flawless bilingual. Bonding with mother tongue is as important as bonding with one's own mother :)

So, do you love your mother tongue? :)

P.S: I am proud for a fact, that my three year old son is fluent in speaking and understanding Tamil. he is gradually picking up Hindi and English and does make a lot of errors. But that does not stop him from interacting more and more with people around, even as he is corrected more often by us and our friends. After all, first language is the mother of all languages. Isn't it?

'Weighty Issues' ~ From an nomad's diary

I did not know how to name this post, but I hope what I write here does justice to the title. And one may wonder, why such a post all of a sudden. Well, every third person I meet has something to say about his/her ‘extra pounds’. And, every time I hear about people bragging on ‘How much kilos have you shed? Oh! I just managed to get rid of these flabs!’, I can’t help raising my brows. Ok! Here, let me tell a bit about myself, before people get deceived into believing that this post is being ranted by some gym trainer/fitness freak/’yogi bear’ or whatsoever!

I do not have a slim trim toned figure to flaunt. I am more towards the healthy side and being a mother of a naughty prankster, I don’t have time to hit the gym. Oh wait! I don’t need one! I am on my toes all the time, with little time to do some reading, some singing, playing some keyboard and some blogging! My days are longer and nights are invariably shorter, no matter which season of the year it is. Yes, you guessed it right! I am ‘the humble homemaker’ who has transitioned gleefully from a once career oriented software Professional who at one time, was married to her job, drowned in conference calls, drinking horrible coffee, discussing software updates and working her brains off to deliver projects on time. And then, I had thought, “Woohoo! Can anything get more challenging than this?” Phew! The answer is staring right on my face now as I am typing away to glory after sending my two and a half year toddler to school. I can vouch for a fact that a homemaker’s job is no child’s play! Well, before I deviate from what I have in mind for this post, let me brief about why I was impulsed to write this post. 

Off late, I see many people around me suddenly inspired to stay fit. However, the definition of ‘fitness’ too, is variable like ‘what is right or wrong’. And my views that I express here, are solely mine that have sprung from mere observation. So, where was I? Yes, I was saying about this sudden behavioural outburst at the idea of staying fit. But what I have observed is, people merely want to lose weight which is thought to be synonymous with staying fit. It is not just in the place where I live, but even when I was a part of corporate world, I have observed how reckless people could be with their bodies. The cycle would be something like, gain a few pounds (Thanks to MacD, Dominoes, PizzaHut and Sizzler joints) and then join the gym to reduce. Once having followed a strict regimen that curbs those lustful cravings to eat mayonnaise/cheese/butter loaded burgers and sandwiches and flatbreads, the urge to binge hits a new high once the desired weight loss is achieved. And, that is where the problem starts for many.

We all love to eat. And, we all dread the word ‘calories’, though we love the same when it sounds like ‘calories burnt’, ‘calories down’ or ‘zero calories’. And, we all love the idea of ‘hitting the gym’ (quite a fashion these days). And, we all, whether or not we follow, totally adore the idea of staying fit, with a toned body sans water retention and dark circles. The idea, when reaches the stage of implementation though, deviates from the idea of staying to fit to simply losing weight. Yes! Staying fit means you are in control of your hard earned pounds of flesh. However, the other way round that shedding weight to get lighter does not necessarily mean staying fit. And many a time, I have observed that in the pursuit of losing weight, people skip breakfast, eat as per a diet plan (some diets go by the name of crash diets too) and then kill their desires to eat something their frenzied taste buds crave for and then finally, once the diet plan deadline is reached, they hog on everything they missed during their ‘weight loss plan’. Now, I am not against diet plans at all. It is a good idea to shed some extra pounds to stay fit. But, what is not good is to gorge in the aftermath. Not only is the essence of weight loss lost, but the idea of staying fit becomes a misnomer. Besides investing so much of hard work in staying fit, one needs to gain a self control as well. Self control as in knowing what to eat, how much to eat, when to eat and when to stop.

My parents have this ‘Five Thumb Rule for a healthy living’

• Early to bed, early to rise.
• A time for everything and everything at its time.
• Breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a pauper. Don’t kill your desires. Eat whatever you like, taste everything but don’t binge.
• From a busy schedule, 30 minutes of a day must be dedicated to physical fitness (like walking, yoga, gym whatsoever)
• And finally, gossip less. Sometimes, mental baggage is extra weight too. A healthy mind alone can compliment a fit body.

My parents belong to a generation where words like ‘metabolism altering mechanism’ and ‘burning calories’ don’t make much sense. For them, even gyms don’t make sense. My father who is nearing 70 can still do surya namaskar effortlessly.  My 60 something mother who does not sport one extra ounce of fat in her body still does all the house hold chores all by herself, considering our home is a big independent home with a garden to maintain. My mother, for a fact, has never got her eyebrows plucked and has never done a facial in life and yet, her face glows like a luminescent lantern often shadowing many made up faces wherever she goes. My husband jokes, we don’t need an emergency light in the dark with my mother around! Oh yes! She simply glows, as if she emits some light from within! I doubt, whether we of the present generation will nurture a health, stamina and a will of that kind, at their age. And, it has taken me more than a decade to understand what my parents kept drumming into my head unsuccessfully for years (now that I am a mom, I know the daunting task ahead),

“Want to look toned! Be a stickler for discipline – a time for everything and everything at its time!

Want to look toned and healthy, along with discipline, eat everything but in limits!

'

Want to look toned, healthy and gorgeous, with discipline and good food, wear a smile and keep your mind healthy by keeping it busy”

P.S : And, yes 'the humble home maker' definitely deserves another post!

Social Networking and 'we' ~ Living in modern times

This article was later published on Women's Web here.

Gone are those days when sheer pleasure was derived from making handmade cards and writing heartfelt letters to our near and dear ones, no matter how close or far they stayed. It was pure fun jumping in muddy puddles no matter how dirty we got. Sitting together with crayons, pencils and paints and then unleashing one’s creative side, no matter how colorful the floors and the walls got, is now a thing of the past. A personal touch is what everything was about way back then, when no matter how self-indulgent our actions were, but the fact that the emotions came straight from the heart made even the silliest of the silly acts all the more endearing. Be it playing out with friends in fields or scooting down the narrow alleys hunting for pebbles and kites, be it making paper boats during monsoons, or even counting the number of snails and slugs in the garden, nostalgia always reminds us that there is always something we leave behind when we enter future. However, nostalgia in many ways, reminds us that certain things in the past were seemingly much better than ones from the present, forgetting for a moment that the present shall soon become the past in future.

And today, there is nothing laced with a personal touch. In a fast pacing world of internet savvy crowd who are perpetually glued to Internet, personal touch is nowhere to be found. Well coming to think of it, I too get glued to the Internet, and that is when my father gently reminds me, “ Wasn't the world functioning when there was no Facebook or Google?” Knowing my father well, I knew he had asked me another hidden question as usual which was, “ Wasn't the world much better when social networking was absent”? I couldn’t bring myself to answer that because I agree I was happy and sane when there was no social networking, but cannot firmly believe that I am not, now. Networking in a virtual world is like getting hooked to a drug. You know the cons, but you still crave for it. And now, it seems to be dragging all of us away from the real world which is livelier and safer than the virtual one. But then forbidden fruit is always the catch. You want to do what you are cautioned against doing. You want to try the untried. You want to express in a way you never do in the real world. Perhaps, the thrill in taking the risk or perhaps the veiled pleasure in trying the untried makes one gets bold at most inopportune times. And it reflects in the way people react on social networking sites today. A comment, a tweet, a post is enough to instigate trouble, worse arrests. Is it because you never tend to face the real person you are addressing, on social networking? Or is it, because you get a kick out of voicing your opinions, thoughts and ideas, how much ever unsolicited they are? May be, maybe not. But what is most disturbing is the fact that people tend to judge you on the basis of your updates on social networking sites, which is absolutely ridiculous. Here the question is not about freedom of speech, but about the impact social networking has on the world today. A ‘like’ can boost moods, a ‘share’ can spread news like fire, and a ‘comment’ can spur a volley of arguments. The most affected lot are students who not only get addicted to it, but tend to associate themselves with it, on a very personal level. Photos and likes followed by comments and arguments which on the real world would not have been so apparent snowball into unexpected problems, considering that certain expressions become a way too public on social networking. This thereby, affects the adrenalin levels in teens, who in the spur of moment get too personal on absolutely senseless incidents and impulsively take foolish decisions pertaining to rivalries.

Needless to say, one has to be careful when posting anything on social networking sites. Because, nothing on Internet is private or classified. Whenever you feel like voicing your opinions aloud, ask yourself, “Would you say that on someone's face?” I doubt. Of course, opinions and ideas are one thing. And living in a democracy, one has every right to express. But there is a way of doing it, without getting embroiled in a controversy and without inciting someone. Right thing, right time and right place are what matters when you have to say or do something you feel is right.

Wish, people did not take social networking that seriously. Wish, we again start writing letters on paper, rather than emailing them. Wish, we could personally go to our near and dear ones to wish them on special occasions. Wish, our children play with each other more than playing video games on Internet. Wish, we enjoy the life on nature’s lap better than enjoying face book updates. That is, I guess, too much of wishful thinking. Sometimes, I feel forced to agree to what my cousin quoted on her Facebook update - Nostalgia is a scam perpetrated by our brain to make us detest our present. So true.....Sigh!