Swimming in an ocean of thoughts.....

Ask me no questions and i shall tell you no lies :)

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Moved to Wordpress

Ok people!

I had to mention it here too, that I have taken a diversion in the journey of my blogging and have shifted to WordPress.

I miss blogger and I miss the easy friendly ways of blogger. However, it was time for some up-gradation from my end.

I now blog here.
Or, copy paste this link on your browser: http://thesagittariusthinker.wordpress.com/

So if you stumble here, you know where to look for :D

Cheers & God bless!!


Monday, April 13, 2015

I am a SAHM, by choice!

I have a complicated relationship with social networking. Especially now  that I am not really ‘working’ working. (Does being a home maker qualify as ‘working’ ;)). Blogs and books keep me good company most of the days (as am enjoying an uncertainly brief transit period) For me, when I am not blogging, reading is curative as it saves me from unsuccessfully dodging questions like, “Why aren’t you in a job, yet?” or “Don’t you feel bored at home?”, “You know, you should start working by now!” and all that! It is only now I realized on a full scale why, a ‘Stay At Home Mom’(SAHM) is so underrated! And not the quintessential homemaker I speak of here, but a woman who quit her career to be a SAHM by choice! Clearly, I am not adept in answering out-of-the-blue questions from acquaintances (even parents sometimes) regarding my career choices and it takes me a lot of will to refrain from riposting acerbically! But a lot of such questions got me thinking, why in the Lord’s name is a SAHM so looked down upon? Why such condescending questions/looks? 

While I worked with the IT sector before marriage, I had seen many kinds of married couples. Couples who worked and complimented each other beautifully, some who planned their families early as the mother took the necessary sabbatical before rejoining the office, some who planned families and moved to different time zones leaving behind the children in the care of grandparents, some who took their children along to different countries for onsite assignments, and then the few who felt that babies could wait et al. Of course, nothing is more convenient and luxurious for a working couple, if both are placed together and, with the child anywhere in the world! And, there are the others for whom certain sacrifices, compromises and uncomfortable arrangements (like staying away from the spouse for a long time or perhaps having a caretaker in a different country to take care of the child and so on and so forth) are probable options. I was not married then. So, I never really judged anything, also considering my uneasiness over the topic of marriage in those years. Later, the stars aligned in a particular way and I met my match in an army officer 7 years back. (How I met him would serve as a hot post later!) And today, I am a proud army wife and a SAHM now, by choice (considering the nomadic life I live!)

Looking back from where I started this post, I gather I have strayed a bit. Well, a SAHM is not as bad as it sounds! Having a baby and staying back to look after the baby is not as dreadful as those funnily scary doodles appear to be. Of course, the milk stained bras, the baby poop stained paijamas, the sore nipples, aching shoulders and back, sleep deprivation, hunger pangs at ungodly hours while nursing the baby are a part and parcel of motherhood. And definitely, that is not going to go on forever! And so, some mothers delegate the tasks, some stay at home by compulsion and some by choice like me. However it is only after I choose to be a SAHM, I realized that there is more to raising a child than just bringing him/her into the world. Raising a child takes a lot of hard work, certain sacrifices and a lot of cautious decisions right from the beginning. Not to mention, there are intermittent moments of confusion felt almost by every SAHM when she yearns to work again as she sees the world around, move past her. I have had those moments too. Worse, I was served the best job opportunities in Pune immediately after I had my son, and yet could not pursue them because my son was just 6 months old. A part of me was tempted to ask my mother to come over and stay and look after my son. However, a major part of me held me back from asking her. Today, I can say with full conviction that I took the right decision as I see my son evolving in an independent way.

The choice of having been a SAHM for the first three years post my delivery helped me understand the importance of listening, the need to be patient and the right to remain silent when the whole world questions your decisions. Also, unlike what people told me that ‘the child will become too clingy if you stay with the child too much’ theory turned out to be false, at least in my case. As on today, my son is NOT a bit insecure or cranky if I am not around for a few hours (whenever I have some unavoidable social engagements). Sometimes, he even advises me to ride/drive safe (a caution that I load the hubby with!). And, he is anything but clingy. Over the past three years, we have developed an understanding where I don’t need to explain each and everything to him or baby talk him into anything (something that I have never done!). As a SAHM, I have been at his side practically for the most part, except in the small mini breaks I got when parents/in-laws were visiting. The adjustments I made by not rushing into weight loss instantly, by not attending parties and socials, by not watching my favourite TV shows, by not sleeping whenever I felt like, by not reading when the itch to read was too deep to scratch and most importantly, by not giving in to the urge to work leaving my son in the care of a caretaker/parents and in-laws, have paid off immensely when I see my son complaining less and enjoying life as it comes. Not that, he is impeccably behaved as one can gather from my previous posts. I have my moments of altercation with him regarding his food and homework routine. But then, I also understand that it is just a phase. 

There is more to being an SAHM than just the cuddling, cleaning, feeding, outing and talking part. When you, as a mother are around the child for the first two-three years at least, the results that follow are truly amazing. A baby is like a bud waiting to blossom. (S)He does not need just the physical nourishment but the emotional one too. The first two years of absolute presence of the mother in her baby’s life works wonders. And, picking up an alternative career or returning back to the same career is not an impossible task for most ladies. But at the end of the day, it all comes down to choices one makes, as a mother.

Being a SAHM may not have earned me money or brownie points professionally. But it has definitely earned me something priceless, my baby’s unconditional trust and faith in me. I would be lying if I say I never felt the urge to catch up in the professional arena when opportunities knocked at every given chance! But, I am surely not lying now when I say I have no regrets today. Also, who says I would be a SAHM forever! That said, I am proud of my decision of having been a SAHM for the past four years, not to mention, very much by choice!

P.S: I remember having asked my mother a month back; if she would have come and taken care of my son three years back (when he was barely 6 months old) so that I could pick up a full time job. Those days, she would visit me for long breaks but never encouraged me to work full time. This time, she replied, “Why not? I would have been the happiest granny in the whole wide world. You know how much I adore children!” However, she continued, “But you know Narayani, had I done that, I would have deprived you off those divine pleasures of watching those cherubic smiles, happy gurgles, those tiny hands and legs paddling in the air, those adorably cute wailing and most importantly, experiencing the most beautiful sensation when your baby sleeps on your bosom wrapped in the aura of love and a sense of security, that only a mother can give. These are one-time moments in life. Once gone, they are gone! And, I wanted you to enjoy all that. So, I never volunteered, you know!”

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Saturday, April 11, 2015

A wordless post

Humility - The key to exist in reality


The troublesome dilemma..

One of the things I detest in life absolutely is, a dilemma of any kind! The ‘Ifs’, ‘Buts’, ‘Or’, ‘maybe/maybe not’that cloak such vague predicaments (simple ones too), drive me crazy and, to no ends! Just when I am on the verge of deciding something important, the erratic constants of my life turn variable! Right now, I am peeved with how certain inconspicuous ‘constants and variables’ affect certain decisions while the ‘later to arrive’ wicked hindsight ruffles the feathers of ‘could have been better’ regrets! It is like, you have many roads in front of you but your destination could change any moment after you have embarked on your journey! In my case, the moment I decide upon something after a lot of forethought, Murphy bungles it up! And, how bad! It is infuriating, when even a small task depends heavily on many unsaid parameters! Most of my plans die silently even before they take shape. And, when I don’t plan, my parents worry incessantly as to why their only daughter, now also a ‘responsible mother' does not take the planning business seriously. And there is the hubby who enjoys throwing the ball in my court every single time, always supports my decisions only to explain me later about how my decisions could have been better! Now that I am contemplating on whether to even think about forecasting certain things OR not, I should probably be crowned ‘The Princess of Dilemmas’! How charming!

I wonder why such vagueness affects me so deeply. Is it because I do not want to take a certain decision all by self on an impulse and later be advised for a 'better next time' or, is it because time always fails me in the aftermath of certain decisions that are more of goof ups? Do I sound irritated? Sometimes, I am vocal about it. Most of the times, I am just scared of the decisions I need to take in the catch 22 situations. Because, I am never fully convinced about the rights and the wrongs, the pros and the cons, the ‘could be’s’ and ‘could be not’s’, when the stand to be taken appears out of nowhere! Well, I do not dread the decisions or their consequences, but the never ending advice that comes from every nook and corner on how the decision could have been taken and, better! 

And, all I would look at life and sigh,

“C’mon life! Bring it on!”

Phew! A momentary relief for a while perhaps and then, in the conundrums of “to do or not to do”, reluctance supersedes my decisive powers again. And again, the self is stuck in the same spot in a maze of never ending impasses - ‘to do’ or ‘not to do’.


P.S: By the way, forgot to warn that this is a rant post and that, nothing any fruitful about the read! In case, you have already read it, what can I say? (smiles wickedly!)


Monday, April 6, 2015

Some randomness, weirdness and quirkiness!

  1. I am a pain when I have to shop alone! Because, I appear confusing to a lot of people I meet, especially vendors and shopkeepers. For instance, many shopkeepers get intimidated by me, when I ask them to show me stuff (all of it most of the times) and I pick up something they assume, I will not because I would have told them to keep it back and that, I would like to have choices! That quite explains, why I do not like to shop alone. I swing between being extremely indecisive and being utterly tasteless, when it comes to shopping. My mother is my eternal guide in this, as I blindly select what she picks on and it is always a 100% hit!
  2. I do not like groups. Worse, I hate cliques. Although I like to talk, go out with people, and also love to make friends, I just cannot fit in a group. And, the more number of people, the more irritable I become. At such times, I feel like running away somewhere and drowning my head into a book or a pillow. No wonder, I hate to attend weddings, socials and parties.
  3. There was a time, I believed with all my heart that there was a rabbit who lived in the moon and that, all those stars shining above, were made of ice that was green in color. I have had recurring dreams of falling stars and in many of them, I have tasted the stars! Damn Science! You killed all my imagination!
  4. I am not religious in the sense, I am not a big fan of temple hopping, although I do it for parents many a time. But then, I do visit temples which is, when I want to. And, when I do, I just love to sit there and do nothing. I may be spotted closing my eyes and listening to the chants. That said, I love to recite shlokas coz I just love to (also, I feel a calmness that descends upon me when I hear Vishnu Sahasranamam and Hanuman Chalisa) I am not spiritual in the context of quoting from the Gita and the Upanishads. But, I love the concept of live and let live approach of life which I believe is what spirituality preaches. To seek the good within and, in the others!
  5. I am not much into fashion stuff. I have limited number of fashion accessories, maybe a few pairs of pear sets (which I got as wedding gifts) and some pairs that my mother gets for me from time to time. Also, I don't like to accumulate them because I cannot maintain them as I lose them more often. (I have one from each pair that I can find!) I stopped getting facials and face packs a couple of years back, right after my recovery from an auto immune disorder (Something that did change the course of my life) Prior to that and before having a baby, when I was working, a visit to a saloon cum spas was a must for me and, how I loved them! I loved the aromatic smells of the packs, shampoos and the cleansers and the scrub. Somehow, since the past two years, I have stuck to just waxing and trimming of eyebrows. Why did I leave all that, I do not know. I just felt like leaving it on an instinct. All I know is, I have felt better since.
  6. I am a big time Net addict. I love social networking. Not because, I love to see updates on my timeline, but because I love those minions that pop out to give me advice on attitude and life. I am a fervent reader of certain blogs and wish that I blogged too, with the same zest.
  7. I love hot dal chawal with desi ghee/fresh white butter and with rasam, vegetable upma and fresh curd. I can survive on this comfort food all my life. And, I love almost all vegetables (okra, spinach, beans, carrots, pumpkin, beet root and raw banana are hot favorites!) I am not a fruit person. There was also a time when I detested mangoes. After I conceived, I binged on them. I could not imagine a summer since 2011, when I have not gorged on kesar and aplhansos. Needless to say, my son loves them too! Besides mangoes, bananas and water melons are other preferences.
  8. Since the past two years, I have lost interest in pizza, burgers and pasta! Although, I make pasta occasionally when son wants! As for pizzas and burgers, the craze has almost died. Not that, we do not have them at all, but our visits to pizza and burger joints have reduced to like twice or thrice a year. Rest of the time, we relish Mughlai food (my all time favourite) and all Middle Eastern cuisines.
  9. I am very much a milk person. I love flavored milk, malted milk (name all the brands – Horlicks, Boost, Bournvita, Maltova, Ragotin, Ovaltin et al), milk with sugar, milk without sugar, hot milk with hot jalebis at Bhavrilal’s (Mhow) and also, milk with turmeric and honey and then, all milkshakes. But, I hate milk sweets! And, I am not very fond of chocolates, although I like drinks like hot chocolate and cold cocoa. Occasionally, I eat cakes and pastries (which is only if I am not going to make dinner) and love to eat the carrot cakes, cheese cakes and pies made by my adorable neighbor cum friend Nav (from the previous station). Besides that, I don’t have much of a sweet tooth. Son and hubby compensate for me on that!
  10. I love to dream a lot. Day dreaming was like a hobby to me once, until my mother would jolt me out of my dreams and bring my vigilante acts to a standstill, back to the boring world of differential equations, laws of thermodynamics and what not! And, I used to look up and sigh to God, “If only you made me a super woman, all your woes about the Earth going brown shall end!” Well, now I have gotten over those weird day dreams, although I still love to dream. Only that, I don’t have much time for it now, as my son keeps me on my toes all day. As such these days, I don’t remember much from my dreams.
  11. I have had a crush on every Hollywood actor I know of! Sylvester Stallone, Jean Claude Van Dame, Arnold, Al Pacino (I still find him very sexy), Gabriel Byrne, Will Smith, Keanu Reaves, Robert Redford, Gregory Peck, Omar Sharif, Christopher Lambert and name them all! Those days, I just couldn't bring myself to watch the Bollywood crap with people going gaga over them. With all that effervescent craziness for the ‘kkkk....kiran’ SRK and appallingly long haired Akshay and Saif, I would wonder what on earth is wrong with these people! Not that my tastes have changed now. But then, there are some inconspicuous ‘taare zameen par’ in Bollywood too who do make me go weak on my knees with their acting and attitude. Like, Manoj Bajpai, Nawazuddin Siddiqui, Vidyut Jamwal (I wish this actor gets a break in his movies), Jaideep Ahlawat (this man has a killer personality), Rajeev Khandelwal and so on.... I wish these tornadoes of talents replace the Khans once and for all!
  12. I love to watch horror/sci-fimovies/epic movies a lot, some of which explore the unseen frontiers of the universe and bring a third dimension to many of the existing beliefs and cults. That said, I don’t watch every horror movie. Just the classy ones! Loved the 1976’s Omen, 1968’s Rosemary’s Baby, Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein, Bram Stoker’s Dracula (I read the book too!), The Craft, Insidious (with the chapters), Conjuring, Orphan and many more. Besides, I am a sucker for all science fiction and cult movies. Resident Evil series happens to be my all time favorite! Also, loved the Clash and the Wrath of the Titans. Ok! You get the drift!
  13. I am not a big fan of make up. There was a time,  when I owned every possible cosmetic of every brand. But, that was about 4 years back! Now, I just survive on herbal kohl, a comb, a lip balm, a lip gloss (if I am going out) and an Olay Moisturiser. What I deduce, I am happier with lesser stuff now. My fetish for designer stuff waned long back! My fancy handbags of Esbeda and Gucci have been gifted away in 2012 and now, a small leather pouch serves my purpose. I own exactly 3 pairs of sandals, two pairs of floaters and one pair of sports shoes. And, I don’t like to add more to the list, as I have realized, comfort supersedes desires any day! Not to mention, I get ready in about 5-10 minutes when we go out for parties, whereas hubby and son take their sweet time! ;)
  14. I love departmental stores a lot. Even though I may not shop, I can spend hours going through the various rows stacked with ingredients from around the world, countless number of times! I guess, that quality is inherited from my mother. We can happily reside in a departmental store like Dorabjees, given the choice!
  15. I procrastinate a lot and go into a shell instantly! Like, a new place, a new neighborhood, a change in weather, new faces bring out the worst possible introvert in me! Post marriage, when I shifted from a happening suburb of Pune to a conservative yet buzzling Somwarpeth smack in the middle of the city, and worse, with hubby posted in a war zone, I retreated into a shell and did not go out of the house for two weeks, until my parents came and rescued me from my ennui. Later, I got a job and the routine kept me busy. I just loved it! But yes, I still procrastinate!
  16. Of the many house hold chores, there are two things I just cannot bring myself to do. Folding clothes and stacking them in the wardrobe and kitchen cleaning. And for some reason, I have never been able to let the maid do the former for me! At times, I am scared of being ever dependent on a maid. (especially after the #mychoice thing doing the rounds).
  17. I do not like to chat a lot on whatsapp. Nothing like calling up, or meeting the person face to face. There was a time when my school friend and I wrote letters to each other. (she was in Bhopal then). We were in sixth grade. I loved those times. Writing letters and posting them with hand made greeting cards were laced with personal touch. Modern technology makes the feelings more pretentious. You get what I am implying, right?
  18. The first impression people (who don’t know me yet) get about me, I am silent. I am cordial. I am somewhere between warm and cool. I am a little held back. I appear to be very conventional, traditional whatever you can call me! I do take a lot of time to mingle. I cannot smile or laugh with a person whom I have just met maybe, a couple of times or have conversed with, a few times. I connect with few people and those few people know me the way nobody does! But then, there have been times when I have connected with strangers too. And it amazes me, how! Those are few, but when I talk to them the first time, there is already a connection. Did I tell you, I met my husband like that? How I met my husband deserves a separate post!
  19. I was a ‘very angry young woman’ once upon a time! I was attracted to debates, arguments and discussions (mostly on politics and feminism) just like bees to a hive! I am not sure, if I am still. My college mates and school friends feel, I have changed. They are surprised when I shy away from picking on arguments (something I could not resist way back!). That does not mean, I don’t get angry. However, I don’t like to be a part of futile arguments with no results, except in the case, when I feel the need to be heard.
  20. I am my son’s sibling more than his mother. And, he treats me like one too. Sometimes, we take long walks together and he shares his imagination, stories, incidents from school and what not, with me. I love to pull his cheeks hard and see him cry as he complains to my mother about the devil I am! And, once the granny has reprimanded me enough, he runs back to me and asks me to pull his cheeks harder this time! There are times, when I feel like gobbling him up........yummm......slurpp....burp.......! OK! I am not a monster! That was just an expression! But still, I am such a brat of a mother who loves her naughty little munchkin to the moon and back!
Tagging Saroj, Navkiran and Shruthi! You may continue with the chain :D 

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