Swimming in an ocean of thoughts.....

Ask me no questions and i shall tell you no lies :)

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Every cloud has a silver lining.

A few days back, when my son and I were watching Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs, there was this scene where Buck (the fearless weasel) explains to Manny and friends about where he encountered Rudy (the angry dinosaur) and how he got away with the latter’s tooth.

Buck:……..here I was, my back against the wall, no way out, perched on the razor's edge of oblivion, staring into the eye of the Great White Beast.
 
Crash and Eddie: Were you killed?

Buck: Sadly, yes. But I lived! Never had I felt so alive than when I was so close to death.

Both of us laughed. But in that moment, my laugh turned into a smile when a certain memory sprung up from the chasms of my subconscious mind and, I realized the depth of Buck’s words when he said the last line. Buckminster’s words must be engraved on stone.


 Exactly two years have passed since my encounter with a rare neurological auto immune disorder – Myasthenia Gravis (a health condition as described in the above image). Two years since the world beneath me shook and all my dreams toppled like a deck of cards. On 7th March 2013 I woke up with a heavy head, nasal twine in my throat and droopy eye lids. Four days later, I was admitted in Rajshree Hospitals Indore. I had lost my speech. My vision had deteriorated. My walk had become unsteady. My eyelids were stuck and I apparently suffered a severe diplopia. The weeks that followed saw me in many shades. The confused young woman. The angry young woman. The helpless young woman. The scared young woman. And, the scarred young woman. Those deafening MRIs, that painful prick on the spine for a CSF test, those debilitating cycles of plasma pherasis (plasma dialysis), those erratic heart beats when I was in the ICU battling between the worlds I did not understand, those hallucinations that terrorized me when sleep eluded and those weeks of ingesting everything nasally are forever etched in my mind. It was only when I recovered slowly yet steadily, I realized how alive and how determined I had felt when I was wheeled into the ICU after I suffered an erratic behaviour in my heart (a cascading effect of a plasma pherasis cycle that went awry) when my blood pressure skyrocketed alarming every doctor on board. Never had I felt that calm and composed. Never had I felt so resolute. That was my moment of epiphany that God was on my side, right from the moment when he guided me through many unfamiliar people who helped me reach the right doctor at the right time! 

And, 25th March 2013 was the day I was discharged. And today, I look back and I realized that angels watch over us in many forms. And, the angels who healed me and helped me see the brighter side of my life are, my parents, hubby, my son, my neighbours (Nav and Sujju), hubby’s comrades, the doctor and his team and the hospital staff and in fact, everyone who saw me through that stormy phase of my life. So many angels prayed for me, worked for me, worked on me and stood by me. I emerged stronger, positive and, a level headed person. (would like to believe so) 

All I learnt from this life changing experience is, there will always be confusing moments in life when hopes are bleak, faith becomes hard to keep and life topples in a snap. But then wait, every cloud has a silver lining. I can say this with conviction because, till a year post recovery, I suffered from nightmares, waking up in cold sweat and checking if my vision and speech were intact. And, I used to recite my prayers instantly and the fears would go away instantly. I have felt the presence of the good that soothes my fears and helps me sleep. That said, I am not implying that I am fearless. But then, I know for a fact that if man made fear, then God sure has made ways for man to beat them too. People can prove there is no God. And I for one, have seen Him in all these people I have mentioned in this post. You see God in the good you do for people and in the good, people do for you. I will leave it at that.  

And, Buck my diesel weasel, I love you to pieces!!


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