Swimming in an ocean of thoughts.....

Ask me no questions and i shall tell you no lies :)

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

You and I in this beautiful world ~ Joys of Motherhood

22nd June ‘2011: 1:45 PM

Before the beginning.....

She remembers being wheeled into the operation theater. Anxious faces of her parents and neighbors hovered over her. She had never seen an operation theater all her life and her unease at the very mention of an operation however inevitable, was apparent. Although she was assured and reassured time and again by all experienced people that the operation wouldn’t be painful, the thought of being cut open did throw her in jitters! However the moment she entered the operation theater, her doc’s smiling face and reassurance put her at ease instantly. She only waited, waited for it to get over.....

Going through it.....

She was now shifted on an operation table. Pre-operation preparatory work had started. As the anesthetist injected her with local anesthesia into her epidural nerve, she could feel her body twitch. The body below her hip went numb. Voices were clear, though vision became hazy. The anesthetist asked her to wriggle her toes to check if the anesthesia took effect. She was semi conscious and she could not move a nerve below her hip. The operation was about to start. In a far away corner of the operation theater, she could hear Hanuman Chalisa being played. She needed those prayers at that precise moment and her mental strength doubled although her physical strength debilitated with every passing second. Although her body was numb, her mind remained alert. And in her dazed state, she could see her doc and her team commencing with the operation. She felt the cut, the first incision and the magical hands of her doc and team working on her. What she did not feel was the pain (which was due for later). Although she was given a regional anesthesia, she was losing consciousness..

The Gift...!!

... And then her eyelids felt heavy. The moment she was about to enter an unconscious state, a screaming siren filled the room with an amorous cry. What she saw brought tears to her eyes! Tears of happiness, tears of joy that was locked inside her all this while! A life that was waiting to be born and had waited 9 long months to meet her was now in front of her eyes! That instant, that moment, she knew was something she would cherish for a lifetime. A cherubic angel faced son was placed in her arms and she thought – ‘This is what they call a miracle!’ The painful beginning of all joys had just commenced – Joys of motherhood!

30th June ‘2011: 5:30 AM

As I recollect those moments of anxiety before my unplanned C-Section, I wonder at the mysterious ways of God. There are times when one completely surrenders to Almighty and this, was one of those moments in my life. This experience has only strengthened that belief that He is always there around, guiding us whenever we are lost and making each one of us go through some tough times only to make us realize their worth, time and again. As events always turn out, often not as they are planned, it gives me great pleasure to inform my readers that my husband and I have been blessed with a lil prince, who was scheduled to arrive into this world on 27th June but made an early yet a dashing entry on 22nd June ‘2011. This date marks the beginning of a new chapter in my life. A new beginning, a new life altogether! God bless my lil one...!!


Saturday, June 18, 2011

Remembering Father’s day, 19th June ~ Parenthood

P.S:This post is dedicated to my parents, especially my father - my best friend!

19th June : 8.00 AM

Reminiscing cherished moments from past…..

Yesterday as my parents and I were enjoying a windy day, sitting on our lawn, sipping away nice hot ginger tea with a few pieces of bread toast, cherished memories of my childhood ran in front of my eyes. And as I watched this adorable grey haired couple talk about the memories of a lifetime, my eyes blurred and I suddenly found myself taken back to a different time in a different world…..!

I could see a girl barely 3 years old getting ready for her school. Her eyebrows were knitted into a valley with those brown eyes beneath them filled with defiance. Looked like she was not ready for the moments that awaited her some time from then. Her mother packed her tiffin, while her father bent down to tie her shoe lace. And once ready, with a handkerchief pinned to the left of her checkered red colored uniform, with her tiny bag packed and dangling in her father’s arm and with her mother holding her favorite water bottle, she took her first baby steps, venturing out into a world she did not know. And the trio reached a building. There she could see many like her, all tiny tots waiting outside with their parents. Suddenly she heard a bell ringing and her brown eyes widened and her ears alerted! She looked around, and the atmosphere was chaotic. A woman dressed in a habit with a cross hanging down from her neck, came out from a room, arranged all the tots in a line and made them march towards a tiny room. Suddenly the firm secure grip on her tiny hands loosened. And now, as she saw the woman pulling her hands away from her parents, the child’s eyes mirrored fear, fear of being deserted all of a sudden. She looked back with tearful eyes and saw her parents waving a good bye to her with all smiles! At that instant, she asked her first question in her life, "Where are they leaving me?..... and why?" The year was 1987 – The Year of Home-Away for first time ~ First Day at school!

Exactly 17 years and 9 months later, the scene repeated. There were 2 trolley bags and 2 suit cases packed neatly in the dickey seat of her father’s car. Her mother, after her morning prayers packed a lot of snacks in those air tight ziplac covers and loaded them in a cloth bag. She was sitting on their lush green lawn of her home, breathing in the freshness of the morning air with the sweet bird music soothing her ears at 7 AM in the morning and with the cool dew drops caressing her feet under. And a tear drop trickled from her left eye, as she knew she was going away for a long time and this time her parents won’t be bringing her back after a couple of hours, as it was in pre-school. Yes, she had grown, while the child in her refused to! She was entering a new phase in her life! And the year was 2002 – The Year of Self-dependence ~ First day at hostel!

Celebrating Father’s day : 19th June

And today almost 10 years later, with an year and more post my marriage, I look at this wonder couple and wonder, “Well, they sure have worked a miracle together!” My parents have just not been my parents alone, they have enacted every other role including that of a friend, a sibling, a teacher, a guide, considering I was biologically late to the family party. And celebrating Father’s day today, I fall short of words to express how I feel about this day. Father’s day is special, and even more special if you are a daughter. And for this day, I cannot thank God enough for making me a daughter of an adorable man who has slogged all his life with his better half (mommy dearest) to secure a life full of happiness for me! As my thoughts drift back to present, I can see my parents arguing, teasing and mocking each other every now and then over their tea time, discussing politics, water problems and what not! And again, my mind churns out those moments of pride in my life where my father has stood by my side through thick and thin in every step I ventured out in this uncertainty ridden world.

The first time I delivered my elocution speech on Road safety in grade 5, my first project in Science Fair in grade 6, my first time participation in Debate in grade 7, my first time in a swimming pool when I felt water enter my nasal track as I coughed out tones of water later only to plunge into the pool again, the first time when I skated in the skating ring only to fall down and rise again with a sprained leg, the first time when I rode my bicycle with me skidding off the road and falling into a thorn bush only to get up and ride it again with a bruised leg and the first time when I drove our car with a lot of apprehension and hit a signal post, my father was always by my side, soothing my nerves with those encouraging words, “Well done! You are doing great. However, you can do still better.”. Those words have not changed though the phases of our life have changed with time. And those very words are helping me go strong in a journey called life!

Lessons learnt: Words of widom…..

His words of wisdom and caution of advice time and again are a constant reminder of how precious life is and how lucky I am to have him by my side, to guide me in every phase of life and helping me take sane decisions from time to time. His constant guidance has helped me see the brighter side of life. Each time, I buckle down under pressure, with problems posing a never ending saga, within minutes he would calm me down, making me feel as if the problem was just a manifestation of my thoughts gone wild. And then, the problem although remains a problem appears measly as compared to the blown-out-of-proportion version, my mind could paint! I remember his words that ring in my ears every time I face an issue, ”Control your impulses and you control the number of your so-called problems”. So true!

Some of his power statements include:

  • "The right knowledge and experiences that make you a better person must be shared, otherwise they will reduce you to a frog in a well and will never let you see the world above and beyond."
  • "A problem is never a problem, if it has a solution! Till then, it is just an inconvenience. And……a problem if does not have a solution is not a problem at all, as it is just a way of life. Accept it, with grace!"
  • "Reserve your right to speak. Reserve your right to hold your tongue. Listen to people around. It is not important that every question needs to be answered at that very instant. What is important is that every question needs to be answered at the right time!"
  • "Anger can never be your friend. But it will not be your foe either if you channelize it with your passion to work. Anger, although a negative form of energy can be converted into something positive, only if you can restrain your galloping impulses from pushing the red button!"
  • "No one is responsible for the events happening in your life. You and you alone are responsible for them, no matter how the events have started and turn out to be. Because in the end, it is always going to be you who has to bear the consequences, irrespective of whether they are good or bad."

I will probably sit and document all his words of acumen some day so that I can pass his teachings and my learnings to the next generation.

As I conclude this post, I pray for the well being of my parents and wish them all happiness and prosperity of the world. And this prayer is also for all the fathers and mothers all over the world who see their world through the eyes of their children, who live for them to see them grow healthy and successful, who slog hard for the happiness of their children and make sure their children get all those comforts, they could not get in their childhood.

Happy Father’s Day, dearest appa…!! You will remain my best friend for ever and ever and ever…!! God bless..!!


Anti-corruption bills, black money and Political gimmicks – all poli-ticking away….! ~ Politics

Every time I watch TV, every time I read newspapers, I wonder who is that ‘person in limelight’ going to be? After Anna Hazare, it is Baba Ramdev basking in the glory of ‘fasting against corruption’! As for Anna Hazare, I have a great deal of respect for him as his reputation of indisputable honesty precedes him. A common man, with an apolitical background and a mass following, Anna Hazare definitely has enough credibility to have initiated an anti corruption slogan by fasting in order to get the Jan Lok Pal Bill passed. So now comes the million dollar question - What is this bill about? And what does this bill contain so that it has not been fortunate enough to see the light of the day until present, albeit it came in notice many times after 1971?

To brief a little, Jan Lok Pal Bill is an anti corruption bill drafted in 1968 and passed in 1969 with little success. The bill was prepared with a sole aim to uproot corruption over and out, irrespective of whosoever is involved in corruption. It gives permission for filing complaints against MPs and MLAs and also the prime minister on grounds of corruption. Besides if the common man would have to bribe his way to get his passport or ration card or his license done on time, this bill would be a respite for him that would help in saving that hard earned money of his! Besides, this bill if implemented would not allow cases to rot as a stack of files in a corner of a police station, but would make sure that they get solved within a couple of years, giving no space for tariqs and Vaidas. The sole aim of this bill is to help sense of justice prevail in people. No wonder, if this bill were implemented, there would be no lucky politicians, unlike P.Raja or Kanimozhi (who were just too upfront about their corruption).

And finally our silent Prime minister, ManMohan Singh decided that the episode of anti-corruption was stretching a tad too long and it had to end, before it tore away the integrity of his government. So he budged in by committing to introduce the bill in the forthcoming monsoon session. However the question that looms large, “Will it be passed this time at least?..... Will this convince the common man that corruption can never be a part of economics?” Time will tell. Meanwhile, Baba Ramdev suddenly sidelined his profession of being a Yoga tutor and took a plunge into the mega episode of ‘fasting until death, until all the black money of corrupt politicians is retrieved from abroad’. I was amused at his outcry. And our dear Man Mohan Singh Ji must have begun cursing the time, he became a prime minister. Or perhaps, he was not used to handling half clowns with half knowledge! Black money? Whoever said, only politicians owned black money? I would refrain from commenting more on Ramdev Baba’s knowledge of economics and politics, as he needs to understand if he were so genuinely concerned about anti corruption thingy, he need not have to be Anna Hazare’s protégé to express his concerns!

However all said and done, from a common man’s perspective, despite the fact that efforts have been put to eradicate corruption, I have little faith in democracy. In fact, like charity begins at home, so does corruption! Paying a buck extra over the meter when availing a rick, paying extra load of cash to secure an engineering seat (or a medical one), bribing receptionists in the hospitals to secure an appointment earlier than the ones who have arrived before time and shelling out the extra notes to get a driving license regardless of whether the person is eligible to drive or not, are just some of the instances of our corruption ridden world. And here we are blaming our politicians for not implementing an anti-corruption bill that has been kept pending for past 42 years. Time and again, we need to be reminded that politicians are no different from us. Only if Baba Ramdev voted regularly (or perhaps, he votes and does not understand its significance), he would not be blaming politicians but the people of our country who abuse democracy in every way possible by not voting for the right leaders! It is time to gulp down the bitter pill of truth and rehabilitate our political mindset, if we want to see the Jan Lok Pal bill see the light of the day very soon! Period.


Pride & Honor ~ From an nomad's diary

P.S : This post is dedicated to the families of all Army officers.

18th June '2011: 7 PM

A time to remember.....

Four years back, never in the wildest of dreams, had I imagined getting married to an army officer. Those days I was just a worker bee who had joined an IT hive and had no special plans for future except for enjoying the moments that ‘present’ of that time window had to offer. My life was filled with all hues and shades, with me getting the best and worst out of each of them. A lot of certification exams, hectic work, crazy deadlines, frequent presentations, learning new software tools every now and then, frequent trekking with my friends, dining at the best restaurants of Pune, shopping to heart’s content (no wonder, my parents frowned each time I shelled out money like water to indulge in new outfits, cosmetics, shoes and other apparels) and not forgetting to mention, too much of yapping on phone for incredibly long hours are just some snippets of my bachelorette life! And my list of indulgences do not end here, so I refrain from sharing more for reasons best not stated ;)

And those were years, when words like commitment, marriage, relationships sounded gross. Hailing from a Tam Brahm family, these words haunted me time and again in the form of lashing tongues of every (un)known relative on earth, often speculating on what kind of a (bride)groom I should prefer. (only if it were just a groom, Sigh!) And if my parents were asked to describe me then, they would have nodded their heads out of resignation saying- ‘She was born a rebel! She repels anything that is sane, logical and rational!’ And they should get a five star rating for that ‘review me’ quiz as that precisely defined me way back then! But when times change, a lot changes with it. Opinions, perspective towards life and even habits that die hard, continue to evolve into something better (or worse). In my case, change diligently rubbed itself a tad too much on me, that ‘me’ in present cannot be related to that ‘me’ which existed 4 years back! And the change for the better settled within me for a permanent hiatus, the day I was betrothed to an army officer.

Man proposes, Destiny decides & God plans!

I still remember, a month before I met my husband in the year 2008, I met a girl in my office cafeteria, whose husband was serving in the Indian Army. Seeing her state of staying alone (wherein she was working in an IT company), with her husband posted somewhere in North Eastern terrains, a fleeting thought crossed my mind: ”How can she stay like this with her husband posted in some remote corner of the country where he is barely reachable?” At that moment, I could not imagine a life as that for myself, with my better half away from me and not reachable! However, destiny had different plans for me! And who was I to refute it?.....

When Forrest Gump recollects what his mom said to him, “My momma always said, ‘Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.’”, I can assure you, his mom was not lying! She meant it, not just for him, but for each one of us! And I got betrothed to an army officer exactly 6 months later! So today after 2 years of a wonderful courtship and almost an year and more post marriage, if you ask me what it feels like to have married an army officer, the answer is - I feel blessed, I feel proud and above all, I feel honored! And if you were just thinking, why am I blogging this?; for one reason, that I empathize with all heart, with all those wives of officers and jawans, whose husbands are posted in a battle zone, where they are not reachable most time. And for a million reasons that go unacknowledged, it is never easy staying away from the person you love, a person you love so deeply. It is excruciatingly painful when your beloved is not reachable for days and weeks, with the wife not having a cue as to what state her husband might be in. Questions like “Is he fine?..... Is there a problem?..... Why has he not called yet?..... Does he get good food in the place he is posted in?..... When will I see him again?..... Why can’t they have a phone that he can be reached on instantly?..... I hope his leave plans don’t change this time at least!..... I wish I were near him to take care of him!..... reverberate from time to time in the back of the wife’s head. The pain of being oblivious to ground realities of life can be debilitating. It exhausts physical and mental strength alike.

Becoming the Family.....

And now as I look back at a milestone crossed over, the past 4 years were a cocktail of those myriad emotional moments that included our courtship, our engagement, our marriage and our best laughs and worst fights. I feel the wife part in me has evolved me into a much more self tolerant a person than I was before. However, life never teaches the easy way. In the initial days post marriage when hubby was immediately posted at some remote location, the brunt of me having been transformed into an answering machine to all sorts of clowns in the town who came up with the most cruel and idiotic questions (some of which were too scathing to digest) lingered longer than expected. One scornful comment from a relative still remains etched in my selective memory; ‘oh well! You married an army officer. That’s nice. You can buy stuff at half the price we get in the market!’ Well it was just too easy for that ignorant civilian to comment and go. All, that civilian and all of that particular breed know about are those measly comforts that army officers are provided with, for their families. What the civilian does not know is the price the officer pays for those comforts by slogging away at a place somewhere in the terrains of the mountains, away from his wife, kids and family, away from his home, away from his comfort zone and all for a crowd he does not know! What the civilian is oblivious to, is that the officer’s family can avail certain items at a discounted price in those canteens, which is something that the officer pays for from his own salary package. What the civilian does not know is, to earn those privileges for himself and his family, the officer’s life is perpetually at risk and is always clouded with a plethora of uncertainties. Very sad, that people either fail to or choose not to understand the reasons behind such privileges that our army officers are entitled to. And above all, if the officer is posted in a battle zone, things can get worse for the wife as well who is constantly a target to insanely rude questions/comments that pop up repeatedly. Even friends can unintentionally (or perhaps intentionally) pass on cold remarks on the woman’s plight, without understanding her delicate mental condition. Having been through the above phase (and still going through it), I am now able to relate to those wives of those officers who have been posted away from their family and get to see the family once in a blue moon! And the going is never easy.....

Not forgetting to mention, my husband commands the deepest respect in me, for being by my side even in those times post marriage, when I did not have the privilege of having him around all through the year. Yet, his frequent calls full of assurance, his words of wisdom and his incredible patience to hear my heart rant out to him in those moments of loneliness have helped me emerge stronger and perhaps, mature enough to sustain in a society that is most of the times (in)sane and (in)sensitive.

And the challenge lies in fighting back the insensitivity in people. As my husband puts it beautifully, "Insensitivity is quite synonymous with a pig muddling in dirt. Trying to fight it/clean it will splash some dirt on you, wherein the pig remains oblivious to the efforts put in cleansing it! Just that, that trait in people is not worth any attention." On a lighter note, these moments have taught me to laugh at my self too and have helped me control my irrepressible impulses to react to situations, which only appeared crass in the fit of that moment! Coming to the brighter side, what it feels like having married an army officer, I have learnt a great deal (if not absolutely) about patience, perseverance and observing the world around (qualities which I never had before). And today I have more reasons to feel proud and happy when husband is around me in those power vacations of 3 months a year, than being sad for not having him around all year round.

Feelings straight from the heart

As I end this post, I would like to give a few words of advice to people who love the greener pastures of Defense life without knowing what it takes to get there! There was never a concept of free lunch and never is! No good thing runs into your life, without you not paying a price for it! Because, every genuine thing alone has a price, isn’t it? If people think, defense personnel lead a great life, then such jerks need to step into the shoes of all those officers and jawans who have seen and lived through tough days fighting against unseen enemies and protecting us all the time, of those wives who breathe relief when they get to hear the voice of their husbands coming over from miles away after days, but just for a few seconds on an exchange number, of those children who get to see very little of their fathers on duty and grow up amicably unlike other children who are privileged enough to see their fathers everyday and of those parents who persistently pray for the well being of their sons at work camouflaging their fears with smile and pride that their sons earn for them! Only if one gets to understand all of the above, one might as well start appreciating and respecting what it takes to fight for one’s country and what it takes to support the one.....

GOD BLESS..... and JAI HIND...!!


Monday, June 13, 2011

Stream of thoughts, breaking dawn ~ Mind-full Musings

14th June : 5:00 AM

It is 5 AM in the morning and I can hear a lot of bird music outside, which sounds no less than a harmonious serenade. Although I got up an hour before, had my tea just now and waiting for the dawn to break its beautiful golden streaks into the sky. These days, the Sun rises early, with a lot of fluffy cumulus dancing in a galore of blue and whites and orange. And then as the dawn breaks, things seem clearer. A lot of birds visit my mother’s coveted garden to drink water and suck nectar. A beautiful sight, indeed!

Ever since our street road has finally come into existence after two decades, even street dogs love to jog on our roads, much to the envy of people of our neighboring streets who earlier dismissed our street road as a ‘road less traveled’. Funny, the same people now love to take long morning walks on our road. No hard feelings! Times change and so do people! All, a matter of time, isn’t it? Earlier, my hometown was a place where you could never find a residential building, a flat system to be precise. There was a lot of space to build independent houses, bungalows and comfortable 2 bhk homes that contained a lot of free lot to run around, a courtyard, a garden with a prominent vegetable section and a garage. After two decades, change has inevitably tagged along and so has commercialization. Land rates have shot up, and more flats are available than homes. In fact, there is not much of a free plot left! Today, even if I think of buying a plot here, it is more of a wishful thinking and it just stops at that. Period!

However I feel lucky to have grown up in my parents' comfy independent home where I got the privilege of walking on the soft tuft early in the morning, only to see nature unfolding its mystical beauty in the form of budding flowers, thick dew on lush green foliage, garden lizards chasing insects in the bushes, earthworms crawling out during pre-monsoons, slugs and snails running a marathon from our garden till garage and last but not the least, number of birds that fill our garden with their sweet music! Earlier when we had a guava tree, it was great fun to see parrots visit almost everyday. Unfortunately, we had to chop it off, as birds attract too many predators and our society has enough of them, with dogs and cats eager to predate on every bird that entered their territory. However, I still get to catch a glimpse of one or two. And then the coconut tree of our home rules the roost! And now, it has grown so tall, it is now beyond our reach as we do not have skillful climbers (like the ones you find in South India) to fetch coconuts (which are an integral part of South Indian food on a daily basis). Secondly, it now houses a huge hive (a massive one, I must say) which drones all day long. This reminds me of the hives that frequently infested our garden. In fact, I have had the privilege of having tasted the purest form of unprocessed honey from a hive burnt in our garden, a decade back. Those were the times, Sigh! On a lighter note, our garden is like a family member which gets as much importance as I get! My mother being an ardent gardener herself, keeps replenishing her garden with new krotons, flowers, vegetables and trees! As my mom waters her plants, I have heard her conversing with them. During my childhood days, I thought it was insane to converse with something that does not reply vocally, but the way plants have responded to her company with beautiful blooms and green foliage, anyone's doubts about plants' response to love and care can be put to rest! Who said, plants do not listen, understand us? They are probably the best listeners and also the voice of nature. They breathe life into a home!

As I look back, I feel as if a Generation has elapsed! It definitely feels so, as change, the inevitable phenomenon has been so gradual and so real, that it hits only in the present. There is nothing today I find in common to what existed decades back, days when I was in my school. Today, a lot of trees have been cut down to make space for corporate townships and too many materialistic attractions have cropped up. Decades back, young boys and girls of our hometown used to indulge in outdoor sports that used to make each one sweat his/her guts out! And now I see them satiating their hunger pangs at US Pizza and indulging in movie marathon at INOX. Parties have replaced family outings. Driving with family on National Highway has been taken over by crazed bike rides. A different perspective towards life has emerged. Nothing wrong or strange, as change is the only aspect of life that is here to stay! Just that, I have entered a new phase where my kid would see a different world altogether, and through his/her eyes, I will see the next Gen.....


A journey of a lifetime : Pune Diaries ~ Joys of Motherhood

The journey: how it started...??

P.S: This post is dedicated to all would be mothers. An experience from my end to let know the nuances of motherhood - the most beautiful and mystic expression of God!

Post marital bliss.....

At a time, when I was enjoying my life, with a good job in hand about which I was extremely passionate about, with hubby on vacation, with in laws at home for their break, I had thought then, ‘This time couldn’t have gotten better!’. That was year 2010, the month of October. 8 months post marriage and 4 more to go for a milestone to be crossed, I was having a gala time with people I love most after my parents. Everyday felt like a picnic for me. My husband and I have had a wonderful courtship of 2 years although it was on phone. And the current period felt just great, with him riding his Laila(His splendor which he calls his first love) and with his ‘second love’ sitting just behind him! It felt like reliving the courtship period all over again. But as my husband’s vacation was nearing an end, loneliness had already started plaguing me even before he left for his duty. Well, that’s an essential learning for an army officer’s wife - learning to balance her emotional quotient! And I was still learning the balancing act! However, destiny had its unique plans for me and it was going to make me learn more.....

Someone somewhere is waiting to be born.....

Some events in life cannot be forecast, cannot be predicted. They are meant to happen at the right time! This was one of the valuable lessons life imparted to me post that month of vacation. However in that one month, I could sense an unseen force around me which made me feel different, euphoric, moody and ecstatic and at times, all of it at a time! I had never felt that unique feeling before. It first felt like a touch that later transformed into an exhilarated sensation that plunged deep in my veins, with blood splurging faster than usual. I still remember 20th October, when Karthik went back on duty. The day before, he confided in me about him having felt the same unique yet pleasant presence. I remember his words, ‘Narayani! Why do I get a feeling that the year of 2011 will be an Year of Three?’ Although I understood the underlying meaning, I chose to ignore it for the time being, as I was too overconfident to accept what he was trying to hint at. And the month passed by peacefully. After that, it took me a while to adjust with the usually much anticipated, yet severe bouts of emotional strains, sleepless nights and dreary days at work. Usually, my EQ comes back to normal within a week, but this time, it was going to take a while.....

Time of reckoning.....

A week and more had passed since that conversation took place. Each time my husband and I spoke, we discussed about everything under the sun, our future, our jobs, our careers and then circuitously about this presence which was now trying to convince us of its existence. After a lot of speculation, I confided my doubts in one of my colleagues cum close friend Tilottama. The first thing she asked me was, ‘Narayani! Are you ready?’ Her question shook me first, but honestly I had not thought about it! Not that my husband and I were not ready for a child, but we both never expected parenthood calling so soon! Let’s say some events are least expected to happen only because you never think at all about them, in the first place. But then her question made me pop out an answer, which surprised both of us! The answer was a YES. So it meant, I was prepared and God willed it, after all! But how.....?, was the question that needed an answer! Well, I needed to see a good doc. The very thought of that someone special waiting to come through me into this world felt great! And so I embarked on a journey called - Motherhood!

Being the sole female presence in my saas bina sasural, with FIL working out of Pune, with BIL studying down south and husband posted across LOC where, he was most of the times unreachable, the going felt tough and it was getting tougher! Today when I recollect those moments of anxiety, I owe a lot to Kavi (my husband's cuz who helped me a lot by remaining by my side most times) and Tilo because at a time, when I needed a prop to hold on to, at a time when my parents were not physically reachable and at a time, when there was no one I could turn to, and yet wanted to hear from someone, that everything was just going to be fine, these girls were God’s means of assurance – ‘Do not worry! I am there’!

Meet the doc, please!

The would-be-mother in me was already drowned in a pleasant wave of vibrancy and joy. After a couple of days, when my husband called, I confirmed his doubts and we both felt on cloud nine! Parenthood albeit was not an immediate item in our plan of actions in life’s basket as we had devised, but it was God’s plan after all! And we were suddenly transformed into highly expectant and euphoric parents from a couple married for 9 months or so! The feeling was mutual. More so, the feeling of a would-be-mother is the most pleasant feeling a woman can experience in her lifetime. It makes her feel more beautiful, more divine and more real! I realized all of the above that day. No dress, no makeup, no accessories and no mortal means of enhancing beauty of the exterior can beat the splendor of motherhood. With a confirmed home preg test, with husband’s continuous reassuring on phone and with my dear friend Deepa’s help, I fixed up my much awaited appointment with a gynecologist – Dr. Milind Telang.

Dr. Milind Telang, a cool middle aged man with a brisk gait and a loud voice, was the coolest gynac I had ever come across. His clinic is located in the noisiest area of Camp, the crowded Shivaji market of Pune, a place which at any other time, I would have detested visiting! But inside the clinic, the ambiance was exactly opposite to what it was outside. The clinic was serene and calm! Me being a first timer was accompanied by Tilo who was comforting me with soft words every now and then, ‘Don’t worry! You will be just fine!’. The feeling of butterflies fluttering in each nerve of my body as a result of amalgamation of extreme happiness and heightened anxiety was perplexing! As my turn came, I appeared more like a frightened fawn than a first time patient. The doc cooled me down asking the basic technical questions like ‘How long have you been married?’, ‘Is this your first pregnancy?’ and etc… After the questionnaire session and a brief examination, he added, ‘You are just going to be fine!’ and my next appointment was scheduled a week later.

Reveling in the phase to come.....

Motherhood is the most assailable time in a woman’s life, where she is the strongest person yet most vulnerable; emotionally clogged yet so divine and most apprehensive yet so happy! It can bring in extraordinary changes in a woman, the least of any she would have expected ever in life! My first trimester started on a good note, with the festival of Diwali adding lamps of hope and optimism to my much confused persona. My parents arrived in Pune and stayed with me for a month to help me get a hold of the sudden turn around of events happening with and around me. Also, as planned, considering my state, my parents decided to take me back to Bharuch for better care, which was definitely the most palpable solution for a person like me staying all alone!

However, in the initial days, I was advised bed rest by the doc for medical reasons. After a month under Dr. Milind Telang’s guidance, with hubby’s frequent calls that boosted my morale to undefined heights and under my adorable parents’ observant care, I took to a more healthier form and was given the permission to travel in my second month. I suddenly transformed into a 6 year old who was looking forward to a vacation and that too when it was going to be 'travel by train', something which I had not availed in many years! With packing done and mentally and physically set to visit my hometown, I sighed, ‘Bharuch! Here I come, not as one but two!’

The journey of motherhood continues.....

The place where you are born and brought up always showers you with tones of mental strength, comfort and happiness. The moment, our train entered my hometown I was engulfed in a cornucopia of nostalgic memories. As I stepped out, the familiar sea breeze of Bharuch that came from the back waters of the Arabian sea; a Gujrati speaking crowd who I did not know, yet I seemed to know; the familiar road leading from station to my home and the ever resident tall Neem trees on either side of the road welcomed me with open arms! The overwhelming feeling that I experienced that time can never be expressed in words. That unique feeling ran deep in my veins and it ushered me into a shelter of never ending tranquility – my home!

After days of reliving my most memorable childhood days here, fixing up with the new gynac was the next plan in action. Fortunately, we had our pointers and all directed towards Dr. Chellapan, a family friend of ours and undoubtedly the best gynac in Bharuch. Under his care, with loving neighbors around, with assuring calls from my husband sitting at 14000 feet above sea level and with my overly adorable parents tending to my needs every now and then, my apprehensions about this new phase of life were finally put to rest and the journey of motherhood embarked then, continues…

As I am in last trimester, the wait that started 8 months back is now nearing an end; an end which will be a new beginning altogether! Perhaps I would write more about the joys of motherhood, once my little one comes into this world!

Before I finish this post, I pray sincerely from the bottom of my heart for all the would be mothers, for their good health and prosperity! And I specially thank God for having given me doting parents who have stood by me through thick and thin and have imbibed in me, values to accept life with grace. As I am looking forward to a new phase in life with utmost patience and anticipation, I can see a cycle that is about to start again, only with a role change, where I would no longer be the attention seeker but the attention giver and where my parents would play a new role: Grandparents, who would just make sure both their blood lines are on track, on the right track of a journey called life! Motherhood is the best gift a female can get in her life! It is a gift of a lifetime, and I am thankful to God for all times to come! God bless my little one...!! Amen!


Sunday, June 12, 2011

Being discreet in speech and action, why is it important? ~ A perspective of life

How many times, have instances as such happened where you get entangled in a totally useless conversation that is leading nowhere, or you are probably sharing too much information with a close one or you just end up blurting something and then regret of having stretched your tongue too long?

And most of this happens, when you try to converse with people a tad too much (although your listeners may include friends, relations, acquaintances, and a few with whom you do not have much to talk about and yet are forced to) under circumstances which, both end up discussing nonsensical topics that can be labeled better as gossip! And gossip gives rise to more gossip and more and more.....In time, you might just turn into a loony bin full of information, least relevant to you and at the same time most bothersome too! Discretion! A word with myriad connotations albeit, it surely draws a line that differentiates your 'intelligence quotient' and 'emotional quotient'. So is that why, being discreet in speech and action important?

You meet a lot of people on a daily basis both in person and in virtual world! You make friends and acquaintances. They include all kinds, some who strike a lasting impression on you since the very first conversation, some who you believe would make good friends for a lifetime, some who appear to be good but slowly disappear from your list of favorites (over and out!), and some with whom you are unable to strike a chord with, even after a few conversations. But where and when does discretion come into picture in all the above instances? Well, before getting to that point, let’s understand human nature better. Not without a reason, the saying goes - Man is a social animal and he loves company. He values it the most when he doesn’t have one or the right one to be precise! And needless to say, he is an attention seeker! He loves to socialize, make friends and search for the right company until he is convinced for right reasons that the company can go forever! Besides relationships, even on a professional front, a man seeks encouragement and appreciation. He tries every way (right or not!) to garner attention from the environment around. Well, that’s how a human has been designed, isn’t it? When even five sensed animals carry the same tendency to be acknowledged for their existence, then it is not at all wrong if a human loves attention! However, what is not right about it are those incidental instances where man is unable to control his impulses to react, and the words splurge out of his mouth with mind having little control over his speech neurons, with the heart wanting that instance to happen right away and then there the 'discretion' is ignored. These are the times when a man ain't sure how to (re)act.....

So coming to our question – why being discreet in speech and actions is very important? A wise man once told me, ‘Human nature is complicated. The less you talk, the more you hear, and the more you hear, you become not subdued but mature enough to take in information what is important and discard what is not! When you master this quality, your thoughts will be rational, words will be gems of wisdom and actions eternally convincing to self and the world'.

However, discretion does not come to everyone naturally. It is a quality habit that comes with experience alone. After all it is all about knowing when to stop conversing, when to distance oneself in a relationship, when to hold tongue tight and let mind take over heart to contemplate rationally, when to give the right reply pertaining to the right moment and the right place. Honing this quality is not easy unless you have an innate maturity to understand nuances of the world around you. Be it a workplace, social networking, relationships and marriage or a much expected outing with friends or even catching up with an old friend after a long time, discretion is imperative! Many a time, being discreet may earn you a tag of being asocial or perhaps rude or even ‘rigid’, but it might just save you a lot of unwanted attention which you never might have wanted in the first place!


Thursday, June 2, 2011

Change ~ A perspective of life

Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts. ~ Arnold Bennett

Arnold Bennett couldn’t have defined change in a better way! Somehow, we always get used to a particular phase of life, that we often forget that change inevitably tags along. As I look back, a blast from the past makes me want to rush into certain phases of life, just to relive them again. It is not just the school or college life that engulfs me in its whirlwind of nostalgia but everything that I had been in those years, right from the time, I was a toddler, with mom teaching me rhymes and feeding me dal rice; with dad taking me to the park near our home in the evenings where I played with other tiny tots of my age; places where I traveled with parents on vacations and the innumerable instances of life where the pivotal characters of a play called life were me, my parents, my friends, my teachers and many more…….

And then Khalil Gibran says, ‘Time has been transformed, and we have changed; It has advanced and set us in motion; it has unveiled its face, inspiring us with bewilderment and exhilaration.’As time progresses, bewilderment and exhilaration are definitely inspiring and so is the feeling of growing up and growing out. Change goes unnoticed but it is there all around. We realize the change, only after having crossed each milestone of life. We grow, shedding the image of every bygone phase, subsequently to enter a new one, adorning a new image. A few days back, when I was chatting with a college friend, she was all so desperate to relive college days again. While I pondered more on this, I realized it just feels good to think that way, as the self especially knows that time would never rewind. Perhaps, destiny makes sure every phase of life is valued so that the self yearns for it, knowing it would just remain a chapter of their past.....

Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal. ~ Arthur Schopenhauer

As paradoxical it sounds, change is the only thing that stays permanent, and so one might as well welcome it, isn’t it? ;)