Swimming in an ocean of thoughts.....

Ask me no questions and i shall tell you no lies :)

Friday, July 22, 2011

.....And my lil prince turns a month old..... ~ Joys of Motherhood

22nd July ‘2011, 9:00 PM

Pride feels good. A genuine one, so well justified, that earns you so much of respect and admiration feels even better! The pride of being a mother! But before I continue with my ocean of thoughts, I feel proud for a reason more! My blog now has 100 articles, that solely reflect my thoughts, my views and my opinions on different topics. So this is the 101th post where I feel indebted to whoever invented this blogging thingy! God bless that soul! This space has been like a friend, a guide, a silent audience and a teacher to me. It is here, I am what I am, with no pretensions and no masks. And it has been 3 years since I am blogging. The experience is rewarding.....

Now, coming to present, today is quite an important day in my life. My husband and I turn ‘a month old’ parents with our cuddly bundle of joy turning a month old today, 22nd July ‘2011. At this juncture nostalgia intervenes and some sweet memories are gushing out, right from the time, when I was just a worker bee buzzing around on Internet providing information to a crowd I knew, and I did not, about an year back! Guessing what I was? I was a software professional turned content writer working with a content writing firm, Buzzle.com. What made me change my line of work? You might get an answer here. Apparently, opportunity knocks when destiny decides, doesn't it always? Exactly 6 months after working with Buzzle.com, I embarked on a journey of a lifetime – Motherhood that commenced in the month of October ‘10 and continues..... As I recollect those moments, I have come to believe that life is just a Chinese box that unravels surprises every time, the box opens, and destiny has its plans for everyone, unique ones! So when, one of my colleagues who got the news recently, that my husband and I have been blessed with a boy, she remarked, ‘Oh my! It just feels like yesterday, when I took you to the hospital for the first time!, Time flies!’. Well time does fly, only that one realizes it after it has flown away!

And now, 4 weeks post my delivery, it feels as if I have crossed a major highlight in life! Time did seem to go slow and seemed so full still! The first 2 weeks post operation, while I was still recuperating, those moments were crazy, yet sweet. Crazy, because I was not much in a position to move around and was under a strict operandi of do’s and don’ts, and sweet because, in those minor breaks, just holding my baby made me forget all physical discomforts instantly. And now, after a slow steady recovery, the enjoyment of having to see my son eat, sleep, and play by kicking his tiny hands and legs in all directions, surpasses all discomforts. His grandpa usually wraps him up in a cotton wrap and then we all sit back and watch him wriggle himself out of it, with a fierce determination! I found that act so intriguing. He would first try to pull his hands out, one at a time and then he would squirm, push, cry, pull his legs upwards and kick them as if he were peddling a cycle and then pushes both legs with a greater force. His face at that time is a cocktail of myriad expressions! Most of the time, it could be described as an expression of anger followed by a resignation (for a few seconds) again to be followed by a determination doubled (fierce one!) and with eyes speaking aloud ‘I will succeed, come what may!’. Occasionally, he would get tired in the process and then he would take a power nap of 5-10 seconds before finishing up with what he started. And at the end of those strenuously long 5 minutes, he finally frees himself from the warm wrap his grandpa usually makes for him everyday and gives that look – ‘So, do you have any more tricks? Surprise me!’ People! want to know what determination means? All it takes is to watch a month old baby kick his arms and legs to wriggle free from a warm wrap! That was when my dad sighed, ‘Life teaches crucial lessons in small incidents such as this! No doubt, parenthood has so much to teach yet! And I have just entered as a student in this beautiful phase.....

.....And with time I seem to have transformed into some sponge, absorbing the teachings my son imparts in his own indigenous way! So, what does he teach me? Something which my parents found it hard to inculcate in me in yester years. Core values of life: Patience, perseverance, tolerance and self-discipline which were jargons of past and too bitter to swallow, now seem much sweeter to taste and much more easier to digest. Patience to keep awake with drooping head and groggy eyes until he goes to sleep, tolerance to physical discomforts (which might have been mammoth otherwise, seem little pain now) and self restraint on materialistic indulgences, which would have been indulgences in the real sense at any other time, are just some sweet lessons of motherhood! No wonder, it is such an esteemed phase in a woman’s life!

And there the realization dawns as to why these values are so important. Not missing out on the fact that I now have much greater respect for my parents who have brought me up, patiently hearing me out and getting me all I wanted (being a single child, such privilege is guaranteed!), tolerating those roller costar adolescent years and restraining themselves from being too hard on me, although my behavior at times was just too crass to handle and supporting me yet in trying times and guiding me in the right direction, lest I wander away! And my son is just one lucky chap to get such adoring grandparents who despite their age, sit with him although day and night to sing to him, change his diapers while am asleep, lullaby him to sleep, cuddle him even in between serious work and enjoy his ‘aaah, aaauuuu, aaaiiiii, qqooooo, wwooooo’ talk and converse with him in a similar way! And the reward that I get out of this month’s ordeal with all my learning from him is, my son has finally started acknowledging my presence in a unique way. He looks at me, gives me those commanding looks during his tummy and play time and responds to my kisses by brushing his lips against my cheek and then closing his eyes and cooing sweetly! Aah, is there a music sweeter than that? Wonders of God, is all I can say!

Define the best scent: the aroma of your new born.....

Define softness: run your hand through your baby's hair.....

Define smoothness: feel your baby' skin, as soft as a rose petal.....

Define sweetness: hear your baby coo.....


Define sharpness: feel it, when your baby acknowledges your hug/presence/kisses, with its sharp nails...!! (and yet, it feels like heaven...!!)

~ Parenting, Joys of Motherhood

God bless...!!


Wednesday, July 20, 2011

When insanity plagues..... ~ Mind Bubble

.....there is nothing in this world that can cure self of those unseen and unknown fears, those terrible pangs of fretfulness; those good and snug moments gone by which now happen to be like an occasional drizzle in a barren desert of loneliness; those days filled with laughter and happiness sans worries; those nights filled with a love beyond intimacy; those stone silent, ice cold starry nights filled with dreams of a future in oblivion just waiting to be fulfilled; when even strolling around in those eerie roads post midnight seemed like a leisure walk in a park, where no words were spoken and yet the hearts communicated; those cozy morning walks that ended perfect, with a nice strong tea and bread omelette and those tiffs that happened often and yet, not so often but ended eventually in forgetfulness, with a bear hug, an embrace filled with love, tears and gratification, so much that the self wouldn’t just let go.....

.....and now the self reminisces those moments, begs destiny to open again those cherished chapters of its life, now to be filled with a certainty, a certainty that the self has waited for long, a certainty that the self feels it deserves, a certainty that the self is looking forward to, a certainty that would last forever.....a certainty that would open the doors of a world of completeness and love that solely belongs to self, something that the self has paid for and is waiting for the dues.....A time as trying as this is something that the self waits for to end.....to end on a good note soon.....so that it can leave behind the incompleteness of the present to enter the world of completeness in future, which would mark the lush green pastures of a life much awaited for, so that the the self can enjoy those coveted moments again, in harmony, with certainty.....However, uncertainties in life are certain.....but then the self is an incurable optimist and so waits, waits patiently for the new chapter to begin soon, and with a lot of hope and optimism.....

‘While you are near, each day passes in a minute; while you are away, every minute seems like a day.....if karma were a crazy bitch, time sure is crazier!'.

So long, when insanity plagues.....


Thursday, July 14, 2011

13th July ‘2011, History repeats and what do we learn? ~ Mind-Full Ramblings

14th July '2011 : 10 AM

Mumbai: A city defining Life

Mumbai has perpetually been in lime light for reasons, right and wrong alike. A city buzzing with life from 4 AM and that keeps working until midnight and after is one candid pick for terrorists, who know they would never find dearth of people to kill here, with the additional leverage of being inconspicuous in such a huge crowd! And it is a city of business, good and bad! I do not belong to this city. But having traveled enough in this city in the past, I can say it beats the population of any corner of our country. The city of Goddess Mahalaxmi and Lord Ganesha that it is, Mumbai comes across as a city of unfulfilled dreams, a city of alluring promises, a city of myriad choices and a city that defines life! When it comes to metros nothing beats the charm of this 21 million heavily populated city. But then, 26/11 and now 13/7 has made the common man question the 'life' called Mumbai. How safe it will be henceforth? A question that does not have an answer yet.....

History repeats!

Mumbai blasts look like a chapter of history destined to repeat time and again. Shock waves floated around yesterday (13th July’2011), when three bomb blasts rocked the peace and routine of Zaveri Bazar, Dadar west and Opera House. What followed suit couldn’t have been the least unpredictable! With the media having a field day (the typical one) and with the chief minister Prithvi Raj Chauhan as usual ‘condemning’ the dastardly act with Home minister P.Chidambaram joining the ‘condemning band wagon’, everything seemed like a Déjà vu! (Remember 26/11?)Why? Because the blasts happened in Mumbai - the strong (oops!) ‘the heart of India’, because people here have a ‘great spirit’, or each one of them bears a ‘lion heart’, or because they have the highest degree of tolerance to anything and everything under the Sun, be it legitimate or otherwise or because they tend to ‘adjust and move on’ in life whatsoever happens? I am not sure which answer suffices best, but the fact remains - life is priceless. And with each passing day, it looks like we are watching some bloody video game where a guy comes in with a loaded gun and goes on a killing spree to satiate his bloody appetite for insanity! Looks like life is taken so much for granted by a few killing machines who do not even mind getting killed in the process! But then,does it become a preference for terrorism to creep in? Looks like it!

Facebook – the leading social networking site was flooded with status messages full of anger, loathe, sadness and helplessness at the security lapse that could/could not have been avoided. Also the government, as predicted must have immediately raised a security alert thereafter, in all cities, in malls, theaters, hotels and offices! So to check for suspicious elements breeding in our society, we have to ‘wait’ for a bomb blast to happen. As I write this, I remember the words of ‘the stupid common man’ from the movie ‘A Wednesday’ – “ Kyun, mujhe us din ka intezaar karna chahiye jab mera koi apna bewajah is tarah ki jaleel maut mare?… Perhaps democracy answers with an affirmation! With every social networking site, every news channel, and every home gossiping, ranting, rambling about the series of unfortunate events, there is nothing in this world that can soothe the affected families who have lost their dear ones to insane people. Their world remains shattered, dark and blank! Like the common man states in the movie – “Ek aisa haadsa hota hai to channel badal badal ke sara maazra dekh liya. Sms kiya, phone kiya, shukr manaya ki humlog bach gaye aur phir us situation se ladne ke bajaye hum uske saath adjust karma shuru kar dete hai..

But then comes the million dollar question : What more can a common man do? And what else can he do? With a family to run, with a career that gives him his daily bread and butter and with a cartload of worries, the common man boards the local everyday to slog from dawn till dusk to make his ends meet. However, he forgets about the most precious thing about which he has stopped worrying - his life! And that worry comes alive every time when some professional sadist like Kasab opens fire on a bunch of innocents! These incidents remind us how worthless our constitution is, how rotten our judicial system is, how recklessly our democracy is being abused and how spineless our political system has become! Sorry, I would blame the politicians no more, except for warning them with the same words of the ‘stupid common man’ – “We are resilient by force, and not by choice! Some day, it would not be surprising when a common man becomes the 'stupid common man' from the movie 'A wednesday' to start 'society cleansing'. Silence should not be mistaken for complacency!

Common man speculates!

And we, the people of India, feel the brunt, not understanding why!. As an ‘ideal common man’ would say – ‘We vote. We elect our leaders. We pay taxes and we move around with a faith that we are secure.’ However, how many of us can honestly include self in that ‘we’? We are extremely good at abusing our politicians and even better at abusing our own democracy by not taking our voting right seriously. Today, FB was flooded with messages cursing our politicians, some vying for Kasab’s blood and some even suggesting war! Literacy does not cure ignorance, is what I deduce! If one were so concerned about our country’s administrative setup, then he might as well appear for administrative service exams or study law or do a research in political science, or even get into politics. How many of us are ready to take the plunge? One, two, twenty, hundred? No one wants to get into a ‘ditch’ called politics! And then, people would conveniently say, ‘Aah, Politics is a dirty field. Who would get into it?’ No one wants to be the scavenger! No one wants to be the player, but the spectator! Everyone wants to stay clean! You and I enjoy democracy, don’t we? I do! It gives me a right to voice my opinions. I cannot do much about what has happened in Mumbai. What I would like to do, I cannot do and so what I can do is what I am doing! Blogging about this…..writing about how I feel about this entire pandemonium! So democracy has its cons too and quite serious ones!

With a severely crippled constitution, in a country where that Kasab should have been executed long back, he is still waiting for his turn. Who knows, he might even celebrate his 101th birthday in India! It sounds shameful? Pretty much! And when we talk of our hollow judicial system, if there is a law to convict a criminal in a straight square case, there will be ten laws to bail him out! (Remember Jessica Lal’s case, where the accused got his due after 10 long years, despite the fact that the case was an open and shut case!)And then if Kasab is being treated with chicken biryani and is being guarded closely, it is so apparent that our system is bloody flawed and our politicians are just following the system. Nothing more, nothing less! I have little faith in Indian constitution which needs to be revamped from scratch! But then what is that you or I can do? Yes, I am asking my readers and at the same time, questioning self. Vent out frustration on Facebook? It is good to release emotions. Feels better, doesn’t it? But why so, that our frustration pops out only when some blast claims lives or when some plane is hijacked or when some terrorist is freed during a high profile kidnapping case?

People, we need to cure self of ignorance first! Perhaps, starting with little gestures of being more pro-active and being more alert than before, one might be of greater help to the society rather than suggesting illogical ideas on combating terrorism! First, go and vote! You get the leaders right, you get everything right! The bombs of yesterday were a reminder for us that it is high time that we take our lives, our rights and our society seriously.

The awakening: Lessons dawn.....

When there was a blast at German Bakery, Pune in 2010, I felt sad. Not because that was one of my favorite hangouts of all times, but because I had some cherished memories there with friends. But because, on the same day, a brother and sister who were incidentally at the same place, lost their lives. The agony of those teens’ parents must have been unfathomable! But when we blame and curse terrorists, come to think of it, who are they? For sure, they are not aliens who have travelled from a world above and beyond, just to create havoc on earth! They do not totally constitute the uneducated people of the down trodden strata of society. They do not come with a tag around their neck that defines them as renegade killer bees. Well, all of them do not come across as our ‘neighbor(s)’ but they surely belong to a crowd that supports our ‘neighbor’. If you are blaming Kasab, you might as well blame a bigger Indian crowd that supports people like him. And mind well, those supporters are not just politicians. They also belong to the category of ‘the common man’, who constitute this country, who we people brag of, who RK Laxman often paints as the pained public! What is the point in blaming people like Kasab, when there are people working against the country from within?

The saying – People living in glass houses should not throw stones at others, rings true for our country. Just like charity begins at home, so does value system. Perhaps, our value system is too weak to exist in a democracy like India. Here, in our country, people are barking dogs who keep barking until they are tired and then give in to the compromises which are not necessary all the time. After all, everyone cannot be Anna Hazare, but everyone can make an effort to follow his footsteps at least, to question what is wrong. Society cleansing seems crucial today, especially when our lives do not seem to be worth a tickey for all the price we pay to have a democracy. Or perhaps, democracy is just too overrated. Period!


Thursday, July 7, 2011

De-cluttering mind, so much to let out and so much to let in ~ Mind-full musings

8th July ‘2011 : 11:45 AM

Days pass slowly. Nights fly fast. And at times I fail to differentiate between days and nights. Looks like, they have merged into one. During the day, the Sun hides itself behind the thick sheath of dark nimbus that engulfs the blue skies of an otherwise sunny day. Nights are pitch dark sans the twinkling of stars, except for the occasional lightning that lights up the sky and with frequent uproars of thunders. Aaah, I had wished for rains long back when the heat wave was intolerable. Also, as planned, husband was to come on a 20 day leave to spend quality time with family. But nothing goes as planned and life has been relentlessly teaching me that time and again and that is to expect the unexpected. He had come for a 20 day leave but had to leave for an urgent commitment within 5 days. However, this is something I have been quite used to in the past 2 years (being an army officer’s wife, adjustments are crucial). Now the rains are here, but it feels empty to spend a monsoon this way, with husband slogging away in some post across LOC! How much ever, life teaches patience and perseverance the hard way, it does take a great deal of time for the concept of ‘going with the flow’ to sink in. Words of acumen appear to be soothing any other time. However, they can be insanely bitter only when one is forced to go through trying times…..

Coming to the brighter side, in husband’s power vacation of 5 days with family, I must say that our little prince charming and his TDH dad became quite a pair. The moment he was cuddled into a bundle into my husband’s arms I could sense, my boy would be a papa’s boy. And I feel great about it, rather very glad! My lil one is 16 days old as of today and every ada of his, simply fascinates me to no bounds! The myriad cute expressions on his face that include occasional smiles when sleeping, ascending decibels of his wails when wanting to be picked up and cuddled and frequent kicking of those soft baby pillows which often hit his grandpa (by sheer co-incidence), while he hears his grand ma singing him songs with rapt attention and when he gives me that commanding look at tummy time and bed time…..babies are not just innocence personified, they make you wonder at marvels of nature. It does not take just an egg and a sperm to make a wonder like that! Perhaps, this wonder is more a product of unseen magic and prayers. During pregnancy, when my husband and I went through the videos of fetal development on a website, we were quite intrigued! Not that we do not know how fetal development happens. Considering, both of us were Science students in school, we are quite aware of the technical facts, but watching a fetal development video month by month, is very enthralling. The way, a fetus develops inside a woman’s body, slowly and gradually, with every month adding to its growth, with limbs sprouting out, hair and nails growing, neurons developing along with the brain cells…..they are something that cannot be explained absolutely by Science, although medical facts vouch for it! Would say, it is way beyond a man’s making and is more of God’s magic at work! Sometimes I look my baby and wonder, ‘this is how a baby Cupid would look like!’

Well, every good thing that comes into one’s life demands he/she has earned it well! Motherhood is no different! As ground reality hits hard, I have been jolted out of my innate laziness that was born with me. Yes, it has taken me a while to get accustomed to a changed pattern in my lifestyle. Sleep cycles have become erratic. Now I realize why people used to tell me while I was pregnant, ‘Sleep while you can. Once the kid is out, you would not get to sleep at all!’ And in those days, I and sleep conveniently eluded each other. And now I don’t get enough of it. It does not surprise me though when I find myself sleeping in the oddest hours of the day, when the whole world around me is buzzing with life. Coming to my diet, I eat healthy now (well have been doing that unusually for the past 9 months). So, when I say ‘healthy’, I mean it! Fruits that were never in my list of foods are perpetually on my plate all three times a day and also as snacks! Nevertheless, now I too have got a taste of good healthy stuff. But cannot vouch for how long the self control will linger. And when I think of rich food, (would not say ‘healthy’), I miss Pune pretty bad! It has been a while now, since I left Pune on this much awaited hiatus. A city for gourmet lovers that it is, it had transformed me into an absolute foodie! To be honest, I do miss the cheesy pizzas of Lil Italy, rich hazelnut brownies of Bakers Basket, amazingly mouth watering fish biryani of Mahesh Lunch home, butter chicken of George and Blue Nile, Pav Bhajis of Shiv Sagar and the yummy south Indian food in the small homely outlets run by Iyer mamis and mamas! There are many more things I miss about Pune, but on the other hand, I am also enjoying the tranquility of my hometown, which at the moment has a very soothing effect on me.....

Sometimes, I wonder how much it takes for a change to settle down. A great deal of course! In my case, I feel the person in me has transformed completely, yet gradually! Cant remember this person who couldn't sacrifice food and sleep for whatsoever reason! But change does the wonders! Does it not? Would say, change feels good and even better as long as the results are rewarding. Isn’t it?


Sunday, July 3, 2011

Getting to know each other ~ Joys of Motherhood

3rd July '2011 : 11:30 AM

Nothing changed instantly. Everything changed gradually. And the transition started with a plodding alteration from a hot sultry weather to one with strong winds, heavy rains and a lot more humidity in the atmosphere. The changes were not just external. They were inside her too, physically, emotionally and spiritually. With an eventful week past her operation, and with many more exciting weeks yet to come, she looked dazed, physically and emotionally drained. The incision from her operation had almost healed. As she was recuperating, she was also contemplating on how best she could be what her current role (present) expects of her. A gift that she has now, she realizes, the magnitude of effort that will be put in keeping the gift of God at its best, will be mammoth. And nothing is ever so easy. (Was it anytime, any day?) As she looks ahead, the future looks a lot more certain than before, yet clouded with some occasional patches of reservations. She waits for time to fly (as she always wished), but yes, she is also enjoying the present inevitable moments filled with those cocktailed emotions of great joy, frequent bouts of anxieties, some fear and some assurances. As her husband puts it subtly, ‘To get something good and retain it, you not only need to earn it, but learn to keep it intact!’ And every experience of her current state was relentlessly teaching the same.....

.....As she looks at her gift from the Almighty, a cherubic son with his father’s genes showing up in his good looks, she sighs- ‘Aaah! Now I know why parenthood is an esteemed phase in a couple’s life.’ As the trio: the father, the son and herself, are putting great efforts to know each other better, the journey of this adorable phase of parenthood continues with a lot of expectations and joy. The little one’s persistent shouts (for myriad reasons) only to be accompanied by a sweet innocent smile later, his constant flailing of hands and legs at a time when the whole world sleeps around him only to be followed by a sound sleep of contentment when it is wakey time for the world and with his tiny fingers wrapped around her finger tightly.....Aaah! if she had felt anything close to heaven, perhaps this was it! Each time he looks at her with a toothless grin, each time he yawns with his tiny hands and legs stretching to their limits, each time he gives a shout for food, sleep and playtime, each time his granny lullabies him to sleep with the grandpa keeping a watchful eye over him and each time he tugs at his father’s sleeves with his tiny fingers with a proud smile..... those moments..... are just timeless.....wish she could lock them in the safest, deepest chasms of her mind.....where she could revel in them till eternity..... Motherhood is assailable yet tough, parenthood is enjoyable yet grueling. Nevertheless, it is going to be a long way, a long long journey for her, her husband and their little prince.....

Define love. When your baby smiles at you for the first time with his little hands and legs raised to the sky.

Define trust. When your baby looks at you with that knowing that when you lift him towards the sky and let your hands free only for an instant to hold him back again.

Define faith. When your baby looks at you with those innocent eyes contently waiting to be picked up and cuddled with utmost faith that he will be picked up and loved.

Can only say..... God bless...!!