...And the journey continues... ~ Joys of motherhood

I still remember a couple of years back when my husband and I kept speculating over whether it would be a boy or a girl. And so was the world around us. Some said, it would be a girl and some said it would be a boy. Though I had recurring dreams of cradling a baby girl in my arms, deep inside I knew it was going to be a boy each time those erratic yet soft kicks woke me up from the irregular sleep cycles that I had. And then just a year back, all those thoughts vanished when a cuddly red bundle of joy was placed in my arms, a son! That was the time I realized I was in love all over again.....

With my son over an year old, the journey of motherhood has been tantalizing, crazy, hectic but most enjoyable. Each phase that has gone by in the last one year has given me those breath taking moments which I can now just enjoy by watching videos as to how my son used to cringe when someone picked him and pulled at his cheeks or how his toothless grin filled our home with giggles and genuine surprises. And time just flies.....my son now walks all by himself, has learned how to climb and get down the staircase (though his watchdog of a mom keeps an eye on him all the time), pulls out his building block set and scatters all the blocks and tries putting them back together or plays his toy xylophone with a renewed vigour after he sees me playing my keyboard. We play hide and seek, throwball and ‘chase the thief’ game most of the day (where I always end up being the thief) and then hear and recite rhymes together, have our lunch together (though these days he prefers eating from his father’s plate thinking I give his father something extra always) and then take long walks together in the evening enjoying bird music in nature’s lap. As I see my son grow, I know for a fact that this is the time and this will be the only time when we both shall remain inseparable buddies. Every expression he gives gets imprinted in my mind and there is no camera that can work like memory which brings out the most cherished moments that cannot be captured in a click. Just like the other day, with a sly smile he walked towards my husband and made gesture as if he was going to put that 'something' hidden in his clenched fist, into his mouth to which my husband immediately switched on to high alert mode by opening our son’s mouth wide to check what was it. In the mean time, our brat of a son put that crumbled piece of paper into his father's mouth and had a hearty laugh! And then the other day, he gestured me to come out of kitchen while I was cooking just to let me know that he was dipping my mobile in the water jug. And that naughty smile on his face made me wonder whether I should get angry or should I laugh my lungs out. May be he thought, my mobile should have a bath too. And there are many such AHA moments which make me rewind and enjoy the funny lovable incidents that have passed and the ones that keep happening every now and then. Not forgetting to mention, my son does give me tough time and always succeeds in driving me up to the wall. He makes use of every opportunity to drive me insane by getting me in situations where all I can do is fume over his actions but cannot react. Or in his most sober mood, he would be emptying a packet of mustard seeds on the dark flooring of our quarters where it is impossible to differentiate between an insect or a mustard seed. But all those crazy moments become insignificant at the end of each day when he comes to me with outstretched arms in the night, when he wants to hear my voice, stroke my cheeks with his tiny fingers and smile at me with a sense of security that I am always there for him, come what may.

As time shall pass, he will make new friends. His social circle will keep growing. School will become his second home. Although our relationship will remain the same, the equation is bound to change. Now is the time when I will be teaching him and then will come a time, when he says ‘Oh mom! You don’t know this. Ok, let me teach you.’ Well, there is still some time for that. So, I shall enjoy this period while it lasts. And for now, I have just two words - ‘Parenthood rocks!’

Thoughts, opinions, debates, sensational news.....does it matter? ~ self pondering

Ever since I read about the Gauhati incident in the papers, I was disturbed. Well, to even say ‘disturbed’ would be an understatement. Especially when the news of the videotaped incident gone viral on Internet hit the headlines, just one question popped up, 'What kind of a society do we live in?' Something that plays audience for a freak show as this? Something that allows teenagers to have access to liquor at an age when they have that incredible energy to become something useful in life? Something that allows anything and everything only to condemn all of it later when something as degrading as this incident takes place? Well, all I can think of right now is that we live in a country of extremes. Where in one corner of our country, teenagers booze around with a few getting assaulted and some abused, in another section of the same country, some get killed for protecting their girlfriends from a bunch of eve teasers. And yet in another corner of our country there is a parallel government that bars love marriages and does not allow females to carry cell phones assuming it would lead to corrupting morals in young people. Sometimes, I wonder if we live in a sane society because all said and done, nothing really matters to anyone apart from voicing opinions, lambasting all that is happening around and then come back to normal self only to realize that there is nothing more to be done (or should say, could be done!). And that makes us – a bunch of hypocrites! If we live in a society where criminals like Palande are caught after 7 years and where genocide still prevails and where some docs still determine sex only to abort the female fetus for more money considering that sex determination during pregnancy is illegal, where honor killings still appear as sensational news, where nothing right is treated as nothing wrong, I say there is something horrendously wrong in the way we live our lives. We have all become too thick skinned to comprehend brotherhood, too thick skinned to do more than raise our voice against anything wrong. In short, we are living a life without rules, without morals and without caution. Precisely, we are living a life worse than the five sensed animals! Shame!

And now coming to the crux of what I have in mind, what does it take to say NO to ABUSE? What does it take to prevent such incidents? We have all discussed over and over again as to what has happened should not have happened, what has happened is pathetic, whatever that has happened is disgusting and blah blah blah. But what next? Well, the two words ‘what next’ points towards a blank space where we are not sure what to think of. Please do not blame the police for anything and everything, by which I don’t mean to say they are absolutely corruption free but as civilians, what have we done and what must we do to prevent such incidents. This is the question that each one of us must be asking self.

I remember when I had come to Pune 6 years back, my roommate always used to tell me one thing, ‘Remember, as females, it is our sole responsibility to take good care of self. We just have to make sure we never fall in the wrong place, wrong time.' And I had not comprehended it well enough, until the rape and murder case of a wipro employee at the hands of a cab driver raked havoc in the IT campus of Hinjewadi where I used to work then. The Wipro office was right across our office and I had felt that stab of unfathomable fear as I desperately tried guessing which part of that building the deceased would have been working had she been alive to see the other day. When something like that happens in real life and that too not a few blocks away from where we live/work/sleep, it just does not scare you, it makes you numb! Nights weren’t that safe to travel by cabs and it was a wake up call for the security and administration of all IT companies to cross check credentials of the cab drivers, considering in this particular case, the cab driver was a history sheeter. Not that I never travelled by cabs, but I always made sure from then onwards, that I was either talking to my hubby on phone or I had some friend with me, whenever I availed cab service. But that incident was just the beginning for the many nightmares that were to follow in Pune. And that is when I understood the meaning of what my roommate had said. In fact, it does make a lot of sense, especially for the generation of today. And now after closely following the recent news on how a teenager was molested by a crowd and how it has been videotaped, I can only say, women need to give more importance towards working on self defense rather than lazying around in some bar/lounge/pub, boozing away to glory thinking some knight in shining armour will come to her rescue if something bad were to happen. Either play safe or play hard. But don’t play the damsel in distress every time because every time may not have Lady luck watching benevolently over you!

And about the crowd that indulges in despicable acts, rules have to be made stricter. Eve teasers, rapists, child abusers and molesters must be punished so severe by the law that they should dread living each day, as if death would have been a better option. And more important the police and the civilians must shed all animosity and step across the barrier of fear by working together to plan safety of people, especially women and children. Here, not forgetting to mention people like this journo who videotaped the entire episode of Gauhati molestation case must be punished severely. He has not only misused his freedom of speech, but has failed as a human being by not calling the police on time, when a bunch of demented people were assaulting a teenage girl. Also the government must devise ways of increasing employment opportunities for the many of the unemployed youth considering there are many venues open for employment in various fields. It is a crucial step towards protecting the society fabric from tearing away because it is mostly this unemployed youth that gets carried away into indulging in unspeakable acts of malice, speaking of which I am reminded of this saying – ‘Idle mind is devil’s workshop’. Need say more?

Now, speaking of our society again, how much does each one of us contribute towards making it a better place to live? At least 90% of us can claim nothing in it! And the remaining еven if doing a good job, it is just not enough. We need to get tougher. Even animals are territorial. Playing by the rules of jungle, if any one member of a herd is attacked, the whole herd swears revenge and wages war. Then why not us? You don’t have to point fingers at politicians by crying foul over corruption, scams and laundering money. That is too big an issue to tackle single handedly. Just look around you. Some stranger on the road teases you, abuses you and exhibits indecent behaviour and there is a crowd watching it (some out of fear, and some for fun). This is ground reality. What will you do about it? Perhaps, carry with you a taser or a mace to see if it works! Or maybe, some karate kicks would serve your purpose. And if not any of them, exercise your freedom of movement judiciously. After all, freedom is a gift that has to be spent with caution. Period.