Swimming in an ocean of thoughts.....

Ask me no questions and i shall tell you no lies :)

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Morning musings and some fleeting thoughts ~ one fine day

It is a windy morning today. The pipal tree on the back of our home has been shedding off all the dried leaves on our terrace. My son has developed a hobby of collecting them and stacking them in a box. I don’t question why because I know it gives him certain pleasure in picking out the full shaped leaves and tearing them exactly into half along the mid line. (mind well, he discards leaves with holes). At least the activity keeps him busy. And for the winds, I don’t know what they are signing at. Nowadays, I try to understand the signs around me. Considering that my social life is no longer what it used to be before, I find friends in the unlikeliest like the winds, the trees, the plants and so on. But today, the wind is pleasant and the coolness is soothing. Each time it blows across my face, it is giving me a fresh lease of hope and energy that this phase will pass for sure. Nature can surely impart lessons through many of its messengers like the winds, the rains, the moon, the dew and the countless others that rarely catch our attention at any normal time.

As I sipped my coffee, I looked at this huge tree across my home. This tree fascinates me. It is single, it is picturesque and I keep taking snaps of it more often because it gives me happiness for reasons best known to both of us. It is that friend who has seen me shed silent tears in pain as I used to sit in my balcony then trying to understand whatever happened to me, before my days of hospitalization. It has silently stood by me, often consoling me in its own way that this too shall pass. When I was in the hospital for 15 days, there was not a day I did not think about this tree. The day I had left from here, the tree was just blooming. And after I came back with a new lease of life, I saw there was no leaf or flower on it. However, I just noticed some tiny leaves sprouting. And am sure, those red flowers will blossom soon. Am happy, that life is slowly coming back to the lane it should, for both of us.

After having undergone a not so good phase, I never imagined would happen with me, I have so much going on in my mind. Not that things will affect me any more, but after having crossed the acid test of life, I see that my experience can change not only me but people around me as well. The experience is like a filter where I can easily sort out the fake and the genuine. Ever since I came back from the hospital, I have found different people behaving differently with me. Some, who used to show as though they cared a lot about me, now don’t acknowledge my existence. Some think I am terribly sick and so want to stay away from me as far as possible, not knowing for a fact that I have already finished half the road of recovery. Some don’t want to involve themselves with me because they feel I need to be left alone. All because what happened with me was not normal. I suffered from something rare, which doesn’t happen to ‘normal’ people. But then I thought, if my case which happened to be a rare neurological disorder (acute symptoms of myasthenia gravis from which I have recovered considerably, except that my eyeball movement is temporarily restricted giving me a squint look) could invite such unexpected and unsavoury reactions from people, what about people who suffer social stigma for unfortunate events that have happened with them for no rhyme or reason? It is a strange world that we live in. People love to be a part of your life, as far everything is rosy and good. Good times are like those cool starry nights that one wishes, continues all life long. It is only when bad times kick in, you get to interpret words like loneliness, emptiness and pain.  

But God is not unfair. Rather, life is not bad altogether. And must say, destiny does things for reasons unknown, but with some best interests hidden. Although I felt bad about the sudden change in the social atmosphere, there are also those adorable people who treat me absolutely normal and make me feel as though nothing really happened with me. And as I talk about this kind I feel God has been kind enough to me to have let me meet such gems. Some experiences in life can be life changing. Being an avid reader of many blogs, I have only read about the others’ life altering experiences on how their lives changed after certain unfortunate events wrecked the normalcy of their lives. Of course, in those times, I sympathized but could not understand their plight until this moment, where I can clearly empathize with the many who have had trouble limping back to a normal life post events that they never imagined would happen with them. Social life is not a lifeline but it somewhere affects your persona when life goes on a tangent unexpectedly. But if social life were to be taken so seriously, there would be no peace. For me, I realized my social life will be a low key affair for a long time. Not because, I find difficulty in mixing around but because people find it difficult to communicate with me. But then, no phase in life is permanent and with that strong belief, I hope for beautiful times to arrive in my life. And with my parents, my husband and my son, I know I will get past this phase too!
And with that optimism, I sign off for now J
Cheers & God bless...!!



Blogger Deepa Iyer said...

And you forgot to mention those friends who stick by you no matter what. I am disappointed.:-(

April 2, 2013 at 9:26 PM  
Blogger Jayaram said...

It is we who live our lives for our people. If there are people who are stupid enough to think that way let them be, they are poor souls whom god did not give brains to think logically. Trees, animals make the best friends and listen to us more than this fast running world.

April 2, 2013 at 9:49 PM  

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