Swimming in an ocean of thoughts.....

Ask me no questions and i shall tell you no lies :)

Friday, March 29, 2013

Chapter 10: Fighting my own self, my enemy, my body..... ~ Chapters from my life

18th March 2013:

Pain can be a liberating experience. The ordeal taught it. I have been a Science student and knew what dialysis meant. But I had assumed, dialysis is done usually for kidney where blood is purified and filtered. In my case however, the words changed though they meant more or less the same. Since I was not responding to the administered drugs, plasma pherasis was the one stroke treatment for my condition. In this treatment, the plasma of the body is changed, rather washed out and is replaced with plasma that is made from the blood donated by healthy blood donors. And the battle had begun. Hunting started in full swing for the plasma of my blood type B Negative which happens to be a rare blood group. I felt as if I was a part of some movie where there was a fight for getting every small thing done with ease. Meanwhile, I was getting prepared for the plasma pherasis. I was again wheeled into ICU where a catheter was inserted surgically on the right side of my neck. The procedure was painful. But I was now mentally prepared to counter the war my own body had waged against me. And no pain was going to deter my belief that I was going to be ok. Once the procedure was over, I could not lift my head or sit up for the next couple of days as a nerve wrecking pain released into my body each time I tried to. After a couple of days, I was ready for the first cycle of plasma pherasis. I was wheeled into a dialysis unit. The first cycle of plasma pherasis was to start. The time was 11 PM.
The catheter that was surgically inserted on the right side of my neck was connected to a filter wherein the plasma from my body was to be drained out. Meanwhile, a lot of saline and antibiotics were pumped into my system to keep me rehydrated. And my blood pressure was monitored every 15 minutes. My sugar was monitored too. My heart rate was a bit erratic and that was raising eyebrows already. Still, when there is no choice but to endure, there is a sense of optimism that springs up from within. In my case, I was waiting patiently for the procedure to start. When it did, after a while, I felt my body grow cold and numb. I felt as if each part of my body was slowly turning to ice. My throat was parched. I could not take anything orally yet, and so I begged for a nurse to feed me water through the riles tube that was inserted through my nose, that led to my stomach. However, the protocol did not allow anything to be given orally. So I was nothing but a body of ice that was lying in an absolute state of ennui, where at times, I felt I would not pull through. And in those moments, I saw the deep compassionate eye of my son that beseeched me to pick him up and smother him with hugs and kisses. My blood pressure hit a new low in the coming minutes, as low as 60 and the lab technician suddenly sprang up from his seat and jolted me out of my dream like state. He told me constantly that I was doing good and I needed to relax. I waited and waited. After three hours, the first cycle of dialysis got over. I was weak. I could barely open my eyes. I waited to get back, to my son, to my world. Surprisingly, that night I slept well, even as a fresh batch of plasma was injected into my system. The next day would bring some hope.....

Lines on that day: Pain, coldness, numbness all become small when you surrender to the Almighty.

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