Someone who I envy and insanely love, at the same time ~ For a special friend

There are many moments in one’s life when one fails to understand the thin line of difference between what one needs to hear and what one wants to hear. I have had many such ones, especially with this special friend who has been with me all time, in times good and bad alike! Her words of wisdom were often what I wanted never to hear and yet, made a place for them in the back of my head. It has been such a long long time and journey for both of us and needless to say, both of us have evolved in a special way in the journey of life until now. We have had together, the best laughs and the worst fights, the long night gossips and day long advice sessions, the long nights of studying and best holidays and in fact, we have been through such a phase in life too when her life and mine seemed to revolve only around each other and none! I do not know what makes this relationship so enigmatic, yet I know one thing for sure. I would not be the one today, so confident, so independent and so tough a survivor without this friend’s help. Yes, she has been with me since my childhood days, school days, college days, when my career graph was just coming up and now, when I myself am a mother. And she is there for me, whenever I need her, as ever. But then, all this time there was lot of envy wth this love factor too. Many a time, I have questioned myself as to why am I not like her. A perfectionist in everything that she is, she steals the show wherever she goes. Sure, I envy her the most, as much as I love her....

.....As time takes me down the lanes of chapters from my childhood chronicles, I realize that I envied almost everything about her. Her intelligence, her soft demeanor, her trim and toned figure (very much unlike mine), her sweet voice (again very much unlike mine), her deep black eyes and her zest in accomplishing everything she undertakes, perfectly used to point out the pinnacle of a life to be led for me, a point which almost seemed impossible to reach for me, back then. In fact, everything about her spoke volumes of what I was not. Back in school days, I remember how instant jealousy used to engulf me, when she could solve a math problem in a jiffy, while I used to take hours, sometimes days to finish the same. And that false ego always prevented me from asking her the solution, even when I knew, that to ask her the solution would be the right thing to do, as it would save my time! Even while we sketched, she was way better than me! Be it painting, playing chess or badminton, be it any sports, be it getting ideas for science projects or be it playing business world, my special friend beat me in all. However, I knew the happy truth too – It was she alone who was filled with utmost joy, when I scored well in my exams or got awarded with accolade in debates and science fests. And that love used to point out my own wasted ego over something baseless in me. That feeling often made me fight with her for reasons sillier than silly and still, all I could get out of her was that smile, that divine smile of knowing, which used to instantly soothe my bruised falsified ego! But then there was no doubt about my love for her. With all that envy, my love slowly turned into respect with time. Yet, the envy remained for long and kept me questioning her every now and then – ‘What it is in you that is missing in me? Why did the Almighty make you so talented and me just some mediocre?’, to which she replied kindly as always, ‘You are always special to me, dearie! You don’t have to be me because you are special and you have talents which I have not. Just wait till your box of special talents is unlocked.’ And then, I patiently started waiting.....

The wait went on. The wait covered my failures when my rock solid friend backed me with a never ending support, boosting my morale and strengthening my resolve to succeed, until one fine day her words ringed true for me and I could feel success in my veins. There, she gave me that look then -'See, I told u so!', with a beaming smile. At least, the inner peace had resumed its reign over mind and heart and I felt indebted to her for the future she had guided me into. But the envy doesn’t end yet, although it has taken a new form now - Acceptance. I know now, I can never be her. She has set too high a standard for perfection in every walk of life. And certain standards cannot be reached in one lifetime. But yet, I would strive to reach some of it in this life......

P.S: So people, if you were wondering who this special friend is, then let me diffuse the suspense. She is none other than the beautiful better half of my father, the adorable mother-in-law to my husband and the silver haired grand mother to my son, she is my best friend, my Mother! 

This post is dedicated for this one special lady who created me; watched me grow; tutored me throughout; quarreled and played with me like a sibling; took my angry words with grace and in turn, gave me only love and affection; took my hand in hers and assured me of good times ahead when times had been insanely cruel; soothed my pains and made me healthy again, each time I fell sick and who has been my pillar of strength all through my life until now. My son is very lucky to have my mom as his grand mother. And sometimes, I do feel I must have done something good in life to get parents as my mom and dad! God bless...!!